Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→How to accept my flaws and be myself
- This topic has 601 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by anita.
-
AuthorPosts
-
November 1, 2022 at 11:18 am #409436zenithParticipant
Hope so.I appreciate your time Anita.You have a good day.
November 1, 2022 at 11:46 am #409437AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, zenith, have a good rest of the day yourself!
anita
November 2, 2022 at 9:23 am #409464zenithParticipantGoodMorning Anita,
I did talk to A yesterday regarding C not inviting me to the Halloween. A told me that she asked C few days back why she didn’t invite me to Halloween. C has invited me to her house twice before. For the first time I already had a birthday party invite on the same day so I said no. For the second time I said YES and then after few hours my husband’s stomach was upset so I called her and told her sorry as I will not be able to attend. Then she invited A and A told C that I wont attend a party where is alcohol is there .For me that wasn’t the reason I would have attended the party if my husband was well because I didn’t want to make her feel bad for the second time. I feel like may be C thought that I might have lied to her. A has been invited too both times. She rejected both times due to her personal reasons. So finally she told A that she will not able to take the rejection for the third time. What should do I now ?
November 2, 2022 at 9:53 am #409466AnonymousGuestDear zenith:
Good morning, zenith! You told C, after C invited you to her home the 2nd time, that you wouldn’t be able to attend because your husband had an upset stomach. Later A told C that you didn’t attend because alcohol was involved: I see why C would think that you lied to her and why she wouldn’t invite you a 3rd time.
“What should do I now?“- call C and tell her that you need to clear something up: that you didn’t attend the 2nd time because your husband really had an upset stomach and that A was mistaken when giving C a different reason. Tell C that you are sorry that she was given the wrong reason by A, and that her (C’s) feelings may have been hurt as a result. Then wait, and pay attention to her response. ( If her response confuses you in any way, and/ or you feel distressed as a result, tell C that you would like to call/ message her later).
anita
November 2, 2022 at 10:21 am #409467zenithParticipantI told A yesterday may be her telling to C that I wont attend the party if alcohol is present has caused the issue. She straight up lied to me saying that she didn’t tell C on that day but told her on a different occasion. Then she said as I don’t like alcohol may be that’s the reason she didn’t invite me. I don’t know why I feel like i don’t wan to sort this out. I just want to let go people. How to be self sufficient with myself ? As I told you I built walls around myself since childhood. I literally had zero friends in US before my daughter was born. I was content with myself and my husband.Now I have to mingle with other people because I want to take her on play dates. But I am getting hurt because of peoples shit.How do I develop a thick skin?How do I stop relying my happiness on others? How do I heal my inner child ?How do I enjoy my own company? I have been thinking about this same shit for the past few days 🙁 Do you think I should make friends with people for the sake of my daughter ?
November 2, 2022 at 10:23 am #409468zenithParticipantMy husband doesn’t give a damn about all these things. He doesn’t take things pesonally.I take all this shit to my heart and hurt myself.
November 2, 2022 at 11:41 am #409473AnonymousGuestDear zenith:
“(A) straight up lied to me….I don’t know why I feel like I don’t want to sort this out. I just want to let go people… I have to mingle with other people because I want to take her on play dates“- if A lied to you then don’t try to sort this out and don’t think of her as a friend. Think of her as one of your daughter’s play dates’ mothers. Be friendly to her, but don’t be a friend, and definitely not a close friend.
“Do you think I should make friends with people for the sake of my daughter?“- make friends only with people who you value and who value you. Distinguish between being friendly and being a friend.
“How do I enjoy my own company? I have been thinking about this same s***for the past few days“- you will enjoy your own company when you no longer obsess about the same sh***, and instead have peace of mind. But it is tough to have peace of mind when you are in the mental/ emotional habit of obsessing.
“How do I develop a thick skin? How do I stop relying my happiness on others? How do I heal my inner child?“- well, I told you that I will not mention that which you already told me that you don’t want to attend, so I don’t know what to say. Maybe reading a self-help book will help you a bit…?
anita
November 2, 2022 at 11:54 am #409475zenithParticipantAnyways i did what you told me . So I texted C and asked the reason for ignoring me.She told me that she felt bad when I said NO for the second time as she made arrangements on that day. So she said she cant take a No for the third time so that’s the reason she didn’t invite me. I apologized to her for saying NO to her for the second time. She apologized to me for ignoring me .
November 2, 2022 at 11:59 am #409476AnonymousGuestDear zenith:
Sounds like a good conversation, excellent job on your end (and hers, reads like). Be careful to not say NO again if she invites you a 3rd time and don’t talk to a 3rd party (like A) about your communication with C.
anita
November 2, 2022 at 12:19 pm #409478zenithParticipantOkay. Thanks for advise Anita. You have a good day.
November 2, 2022 at 12:26 pm #409480AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, zenith and thank you. I wish you peace of mind for the rest of the day!
anita
December 2, 2022 at 9:05 am #411106zenithParticipantHi Anita,
How are you doing? I am planning to go for therapy in order to heal myself. How do I start looking up for a therapist who can help me heal my childhood trauma and OCD?
December 2, 2022 at 9:39 am #411111AnonymousGuestDear zenith:
I am impressed, you finally want to attend therapy..? Excellent! I suggest that you google therapists in your area who specialize, or have lots of experience with clients who suffer primarily from anxiety and ocd, Then read what they offer on their website (you are welcome to describe to me or copy and paste parts of their website content, without any identifying information such as names and addresses, and I will offer you my thoughts), and then, make introductory appointments with therapists who offer potential clients a first free session where you meet face to face for an hour or so.
anita
December 2, 2022 at 10:20 am #411113zenithParticipantI did try two therapists in the past but they were online. Each charged around 600$ for five sessions as they don’t accept insurance. Is that normal ? Since I started working now. My company sponsors insurance for me so I am looking for someone who accepts my insurance. I am looking for up some therapists on my insurance website. Most of them were social workers/family therapists. I am not sure what is the criteria I should be looking for ?
December 2, 2022 at 10:48 am #411115AnonymousGuestDear zenith:
“I did try two therapists in the past but they were online. Each charged around 600$ for five sessions as they don’t accept insurance. Is that normal?“- it shouldn’t be normal: too expensive and I would never do therapy online if I can help it.
“I am looking for up some therapists on my insurance website. Most of them were social workers/family therapists. I am not sure what is the criteria I should be looking for?“- social workers and family therapists are fine. Look at everything they post on their websites, but start with what kinds of therapies they incorporate. In 2011 I googled therapists who practiced cognitive behavioral therapy in my area, and found my therapist who specialized in cbt.
Wikipedia/ OCD/ Management, Therapy: “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and psychotropic medications are the first-line treatments for OD… The specific CBT technique used is called exposure and response prevention (ERP)… ERP has a strong evidence base, and is considered the most effective treatment for OCD”.
anita
-
AuthorPosts