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How to accept my flaws and be myself

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Viewing 11 posts - 256 through 266 (of 266 total)
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  • #409436
    zenith
    Participant

    Hope so.I appreciate your time Anita.You have a good day.

    #409437
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, zenith, have a good rest of the day yourself!

    anita

    #409464
    zenith
    Participant

    GoodMorning Anita,

    I did talk to A yesterday regarding C not inviting me to the Halloween. A told me that she asked C few days back  why she didn’t invite me to Halloween. C has invited me to her house twice before. For the first time I already had a birthday party invite on the same day so I said no. For the second time I said YES and then after few hours my husband’s stomach was upset so I called her and told her sorry as I will not be able to attend. Then she invited A  and A told C that I wont attend a party where is alcohol is there .For me that wasn’t the reason I would have attended the party if my husband was well because I didn’t want to make her feel bad for the second time. I feel like may be C thought that I might have lied to her. A has been invited too both times. She rejected both times due to her personal reasons. So finally she told A that she will not able to take the rejection for the third time. What should do I now ?

    #409466
    anita
    Participant

    Dear zenith:

    Good morning, zenith! You told C, after C invited you to her home the 2nd time,  that you wouldn’t be able to attend  because your husband had an upset stomach. Later A told C that you didn’t attend because alcohol was involved: I see why C would think that you lied to her and why she wouldn’t invite you a 3rd time.

    What should do I now?“- call C and tell her that you need to clear something up: that you didn’t attend the 2nd time because your husband really had an upset stomach and that A was mistaken when giving C a different reason. Tell C that you are sorry that she was given the wrong reason by A, and that her (C’s) feelings may have been hurt as a result. Then wait, and pay attention to her response. ( If her response confuses you in any way, and/ or you feel distressed as a result, tell C that you would like to call/ message her later).

    anita

    #409467
    zenith
    Participant

    I told A yesterday may be her telling to C that I wont attend the party if alcohol is present has caused the issue. She straight up lied to me saying that she didn’t tell C on that day but told her on a different occasion. Then she said as I don’t like alcohol may be that’s the reason she didn’t invite me. I don’t know why I feel like i don’t wan to sort this out. I just want to let go people. How to be self sufficient with myself ? As I told you I built walls around myself since childhood. I literally had zero friends in US before my daughter was born. I was content with myself and my husband.Now I have to mingle with other people  because I want to take her on play dates. But I am getting hurt because of peoples shit.How do I develop a thick skin?How do I stop relying my happiness on others? How do I heal my inner child ?How do I  enjoy my own company? I have been thinking about this same shit for the past few days 🙁 Do you think I should make friends with people for the sake of my daughter ?

    #409468
    zenith
    Participant

    My husband doesn’t give a damn about all these things. He doesn’t take things pesonally.I take all this shit to my heart and hurt myself.

    #409473
    anita
    Participant

    Dear zenith:

    “(A)  straight up lied to me….I don’t know why I feel like I don’t want to sort this out. I just want to let go people… I have to mingle with other people  because I want to take her on play dates“- if A lied to you then don’t try to sort this out and don’t think of her as a friend. Think of her as one of your daughter’s play dates’ mothers. Be friendly to her, but don’t be a friend, and definitely not a close friend.

    Do you think I should make friends with people for the sake of my daughter?“- make friends only with people who you value and who value you. Distinguish between being friendly and being a friend.

    How do I  enjoy my own company? I have been thinking about this same s***for the past few days“- you will enjoy your own company when you no longer obsess about the same sh***, and instead have peace of mind. But it is tough to have peace of mind when you are in the mental/ emotional habit of obsessing.

    How do I develop a thick skin? How do I stop relying my happiness on others? How do I heal my inner child?“- well, I told you that I will not mention that which you already told me that you don’t want to attend, so I don’t know what to say. Maybe reading a self-help book will help you a bit…?

    anita

    #409475
    zenith
    Participant

    Anyways i did what you told me . So I texted C  and asked the reason for ignoring me.She told me that she felt bad when I said NO for the second time  as she made arrangements on that day. So she said she cant take a No for the third time so that’s the reason she didn’t invite me. I apologized to her for saying NO to her for the second time. She apologized to me for ignoring me .

    #409476
    anita
    Participant

    Dear zenith:

    Sounds like a good conversation, excellent job on your end (and hers, reads like). Be careful to not say NO again if she invites you a 3rd time and don’t talk to a 3rd party (like A) about your communication with C.

    anita

    #409478
    zenith
    Participant

    Okay. Thanks for advise Anita. You  have a good day.

    #409480
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, zenith and thank you. I wish you peace of mind for the rest of the day!

    anita

Viewing 11 posts - 256 through 266 (of 266 total)

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