November 1, 2023 at 2:44 pm #424431
Just in case you feel badly about struggling from the same topics as a year ago (and before)… I struggled with the same topics for longer than you have.. For decades, my life experience was history-on-repeat. Also, you are making progress while at your age, I was regressing vs than progressing. My progress was made gradually (and with many regressions along the way) since 2011 when I started my first quality psychotherapy, which included listening every single day (got to be persistent) to one of the guided meditations I mentioned.
Please write more for me. I want to read more about your thoughts, your feelings, your life. (I will soon be away from the computer though.. but will be back).
anitaNovember 1, 2023 at 3:35 pm #424432
This year has been good so far except some hiccups and i was able to bounce back. Right now it feels like i am going back to square one. This how healing looks like i guess. Its hard to accept but it is what it is. I have everything i prayed for but still my brain gets anxious about future or past.November 1, 2023 at 3:38 pm #424433
I feel like a small kid struggling to manage my emotions and trying to reparent myself. I never want my daughter to go through this shit. Its hard.November 1, 2023 at 6:04 pm #424633
You are a GOOD person and a GOOD mother. Please take it in all the way, let it sink in deep within you… because it is true. I will write more in the morning.
anitaNovember 2, 2023 at 9:22 am #424710
Thanks for you kind words!!November 2, 2023 at 9:36 am #424711
You are welcome! I’ve been preparing a post for you for some time and will be ready to submit it soon enough.
anitaNovember 2, 2023 at 10:01 am #424714
Another incident happened today. My husband and I bought an apartment in India six years ago. The rent has been constant for the past six years. I had a conversation with my husband on increasing the rent couple of times. He just brushed it off saying his dad will take care of it. Today I did the market research and saw the rents have been doubled in that area. I brought the same conversation again today. He told me that his dad discussed this with a week ago and he will work on it. I just hate the fact that he listened to his dad but when i told him the same thing he didnt even care. Another incident happened a while ago. My husband was planning to buy a land in india upon his dads request. We were planning to buy this land as an investment for my daughters education. So I wanted to contribute and gave my husband some money. Then next day his dad saw an article in the newspaper that the land is illegal and sent the screenshot of this article to my husband. I backed off saying that we shouldnt buy this land as its illegal and my husband said no. But my fil did his research and persisted my husband to buy the land. Finally my husband gave in as he couldnt say no to his dad. He even made my husband buy the other land which is right next to this one. I just accepted the fact that he cant say no to his dad. I didnt want drama so i took my money and move on. He did the same thing today.November 2, 2023 at 10:15 am #424715
“I wanted to contribute and gave my husband some money“- is your money separate from your husband’s money, that is, there is his money and then, there is your money?
anitaNovember 2, 2023 at 10:21 am #424716
Sometimes i feel like nobody prioritizes me .My husband will prioritize his parents in case if we move back to India. My friends dont invite me to parties. My daughter will lead her own life once she grows up. The only person that has prioritized was my mother. She has been there for me no matter what. But things changed after marriage. I started prioritizing my husband after marriage over my mother. But still she calls me everyday asks me about my where abouts. she is sweet and acring.November 2, 2023 at 10:32 am #424717
I have been working since august last year.So I have some saved some money in my account.He has his own savings account.November 2, 2023 at 10:36 am #424718
I am preparing a message for you while re-reading our communication over time. Feeling unprioritized, ignored and being treated as less-than-others is a strong, persistent theme.
“The only person that has prioritized was my mother. She has been there for me no matter what“- not according to what you shared back on Sept 11, 2021: “My mother used to always compare me with my cousin.. She once told me that you wont be able to achieve what your cousin did“.. ???
anitaNovember 2, 2023 at 10:45 am #424719
Yeah. My mother was not perfect. Thats what every india mother does. She has her own set of traumas. My father and grand mother emotionally abused her. She used to take it out on us. So i forgave what she did. She didnt do it intentionally. She is not educated so she doesnt understand how it it imapacts a child emotionally. I moved out during my bachelors. Thats when we became closer. She used to call me everyday and i used to vent out everything to her. Our relationship got healthier because of the distance i guess. She still calls me everyday even i dont call her. What you said is right the feeling of being ingored has always been with me.Is it wring to expect from my husband to prioritize me over his parents.Because thats what i do i always prioritize our marriage over my parents.November 2, 2023 at 11:08 am #424720
1) “I have been working since august last year. So I have some saved some money in my account. He has his own savings account” – if your finances are separate than it makes sense that he will be making his own financial choices in regard to the rental and piece of land in India, taking into consideration his father’s input, if he wants to.. doesn’t it?
2) “That’s what every India mother does” – you don’t know what every Indian mother does…
3) “My father and grand mother emotionally abused her. She used to take it out on us….She is not educated so she doesn’t understand how it impacts a child emotionally… Our relationship got healthier”-
– So your mother is no longer passing the emotional abuse she suffered.. to you. Is it that she received formal education later in life, a degree in a university perhaps, and as a result she understood the impact of abuse on children and stop her former behavior?
4) “What you said is right the feeling of being ignored has always been with me. Is it wrong to expect from my husband to prioritize me over his parents. Because that’s what I do, I always prioritize our marriage over my parents”-
In what says do you prioritize your husband over your parents?
In what ways specifically do you want your husband to prioritize you over his parents?
anitaNovember 2, 2023 at 11:16 am #424721
In finacial decisions that he takes. If he buys a home/land based on what his father has to say then why does he need me. He would get offended if i do the same thing. He tells me what to do with my money. I always ask him and plan accordingly. My parents never invlove in our marriage. I dont ask them or tell them before i do anything but my husband does.November 2, 2023 at 11:17 am #424722
He tells me that his money and my money is like our money.There should be no differentiation.