May 3, 2022 at 9:58 am #399431
Thanks for your response.Yes i am fine now.I did cry a bit and spoke with myself with compassion.I always think my english is not that good.I fumble a lot during interviews due to fear of making mistakes while speaking.After reading all the posts,What do you think about my English ? 🤔May 3, 2022 at 10:38 am #399437
You are welcome. I didn’t notice your English being a problem. I am glad that you are feeling better. I just posted to two members about emotion regulation, which will help you a lot as well. The opposite of emotion (or emotional) regulations is emotional dysregulation. A quote: “People who are struggling with emotional dysregulation react to relatively mild negative events in an emotionally exaggerated manner”.
Yesterday you regulated your emotions in healthy ways: “I did cry a bit and spoke with myself with compassion“- well done!
Emotion regulation will help you perform better during job interviews and help you otherwise in every part of life. There are books and workbooks on the topic, a few are: “Emotion regulation in psychotherapy”, ‘Master your emotions”, “the road to calm workbook”, and “Your emotions and you, Workbook”.
anitaMay 3, 2022 at 11:21 am #399440
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Somethimes the emotional regulation makes me feel calm and confident but it also feels like i am irresponsible.As i told you already we bought a home last year.The interest rates have doubled.My husbands one paycheck goes to the EMI.We dont have anything left in our hand after paying all the bills.We will be moving to new house in the month of June.So the EMI will start from then.He doesnt want to depend on me financially because he understands my anxiety.So he is trying hard to get another high paying job.Sometimes i feel guilty that i am not able to help my husband financially.Inspite of attending so many interviwes i am not able to secure a job.As i said i am unable to face the challenges of life just like any other confident person.My parents never taught me how to lead a life confidently.They provided me with basic necessity but never available to us emotionally.I feel like a small kid who is stuck in an adult body failing to face the challenges of life.</p>
May 3, 2022 at 11:41 am #399441
Reads like you have a good, loving husband, what a blessing!
You feel guilty but you are not guilty for being as anxious as you are: it is not your fault. Please peel the guilt off from the totality of what you are feeling, take just this one thing off. Again, it is not your fault that you are anxious and that your performance in interviews suffers as a result.
Emotion regulation is one thing you can develop further, over time, if you persist. Previously I suggested a quicker way to manage your anxiety (a way that may help you be better able to practice emotion regulation skills): seeing a medical doctor for psychiatric medications that are prescribed for OCD. On April 11, you wrote to me in regard to my suggestion: “I will talk to my husband and see if I should go ahead with medical help or not” – did that talk take place?
anitaMay 3, 2022 at 12:11 pm #399443
I did talk to him.He said no because he is concerned about side effects too.He did tell me to take therapy instead.May 3, 2022 at 12:49 pm #399445
You and your husband believe that the side effects of medications prescribed for OCD are worse than the symptoms of your OCD? Or is it that you don’t believe that your OCD symptoms will significantly lessen with medication?
anitaMay 3, 2022 at 1:06 pm #399446
I am not against people who take medication.Its just my own perspective.My mother takes medication for anxiety i didnt see much imrpovement in her anxiety it helps her only with sleep.Same with my sister she stopped taking it due to side effects .I and my husband are worried about the side effects part only like weight gain and i worry i will rely on for life long.I understand your concern.Its just i am not ready for it.I wanna work on myself and heal myself without depending on the medication even if it takes longer time.I know this anxiety is affecting my life but still i am ready for it.May 3, 2022 at 1:23 pm #399448
Okay, I won’t mention psychiatric medications to you anymore (if I forget and mention it, please remind me of what I wrote here). Well, better you get into emotion regulation then, take it very seriously. I don’t see any other way for you to go!
anitaMay 3, 2022 at 1:54 pm #399452
I will definetly try the emotion regulation method.It actually made me feel better.Thanks for acknowledging my struggles always.You never know how much your words made a postive impact on my life.I always feel better when i talk to you.Thank you once again.You have a good day.May 3, 2022 at 2:03 pm #399454
You are welcome and thank you (!!!) for your kind words. You made my day a better day!
anitaMay 9, 2022 at 11:22 am #399816
How are you? I just noticed something that you wrote 6 days ago: “Sometimes the emotional regulation makes me feel calm and confident, but it also feels like I am irresponsible… (in regard to) paying all the bills” – it reads like you think that feeling calm and confident (as a result of practicing emotion regulation) is irresponsible of you. But the opposite is true: all that feeling stressed and lacking confidence can do for you is to exhaust you more, wear you down further, and make you less able to get a job and help pay the bills.
On the other hand, feeling calm and confident, as a result of practicing emotion regulation, will make you feel more energetic, more awake and better able to get a job. And so, not practicing emotion regulation is irresponsible, and practicing emotion regulation… is the responsible thing to do!
anitaMay 22, 2022 at 2:41 pm #400922
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi Anita.How are you? My sister lashed at me again today.She blames me everytime whenever she goes through a stressful situation.Now its my mothers health issues are making her stressful.My mother got UTI three weeks ago.She had abdomen pain and gastritis due to that.My mother has anxiety too.So the health issues gave her health anxiety.She is slowly recovering but gets anxious thinking if she will ever better.Her abdomen pain and gastritis issues have gone but still has some fatigue.My sister has been taking care of her for the past three weeks and going through sleepless night beacuse of my mother.I understand taking care of a parent is hard and i understand her pain.My mother is doing good now but still has some fatigue.I know for sure she will recover in a week or two.My sister stopped going for work for the past weeks as it is difficult for her to handle both.My sister is becoming anxious seeing my mother going through that and she is scared that she has to sit at home forever and take care of my mother.She is asking me to visit india which is not possible as we are moving to our new home.Once i leave US i cant come back until i get my visa stamping done.Unfortunately there are no visa appointements available till december.I asked her to care of her and she is doing it for the past three weeks.Suddenly she lashed out at me saying that i am a irresponsible daughter and she is taking the sole responsibility of mother.I am sending money and appointed a cook for them to make things easy .I know for sure its a matter of few weeks my mother will recover sonner than that.I even told her to keep a caregiver so that she can go to work.But she is hell bent that either she or I has to be with my mom to emotionally support her as she going through amxiety.Is it too much to expect help from my sister for few weeks not even months ?My mother always cooked for my sister and took care of her until she got married.Even my mother supported her when she was going through divorce.My sister cant help my mother financially as she earns less.My elder brother who stays outside of India will be travelling to India in the month of July.I feel like my sister is getting selfish when its to payback for my mother.I feel guilty for not being there for my mother.</p>May 22, 2022 at 2:52 pm #400923
My aunt stays with my sister and mother.I asked her about my mothers condition and she told me that she doing better than before.My sister takes help of my aunt well.I try to help them financially as much as possible.My sister doesnt give a single penny even if she stays at home.Its me and my brother take care of all the finaces as my father doesnt earn.I acknowledge her pain and i know its not easy.But my sister lashing out at me during stressful times makes me feel bad all the time.She has anxiety too and she is catastrophizing that my motger would never get better.She did the same thing when my mother and she got covid last year.May 22, 2022 at 2:54 pm #400924
I will reply further later, but for now: surely- do not travel to India, do not give in to and accommodate your unreasonable, panicking and guilt- tripping sister. To do what she wants you to do/ to try and satisfy her demands- is … crazy (I have no better-sounding word for it).
anitaMay 22, 2022 at 4:34 pm #400925
When you are suffer emotional pain, do you feel the need to call your sister and make her suffer too? Or do you try to contain your pain so to not inflict any of it on her?
It seems to me, based on what you shared earlier regarding your sister, and today, that when she feels pain, she wants you to feel it too. She feels a need to inflict some of her suffering on you, so she goes about doing just that, guilt-tripping you, pressuring you… demanding.
You see part of the picture, the part where she is in pain, and you feel empathy for her (“I understand her pain“, you wrote). Please see the whole picture: her pain and her need/ desire to cause you pain. Do you feel empathy for her, seeing the bigger picture?