I have been with my bf for nearly four years, and have been long distance only 5 months; on Friday night after the office party I was a little tipsy and a coworker offered to be the designated driver, long story short after we had left everyone home he kissed me, and I kissed him back. I feel absolutely awful, and I know if I tell my bf it will be the end of us. It meant nothing to me, it was a moment of weakness, and I can keep trying to justify myself but at the end of the day, I know that I did wrong. My bf knows about the situation, not about the kiss, and I will see him in a couple of weeks. I am not a cheater, I am definitely certain something like this will never occur again, but the guilt is eating me up inside, I can’t eat, and I cry myself to sleep each night. And I can’t bear the thought of losing him, please help.
Make a mental note, to not be out and about at night time anywhere where alcohol (or drugs) are served or offered. If you have to make a mental note to not be out and about at nighttime at all, make that note. And then, let go of that kiss memory.
Better not catastrophize the situation, making a mountain out of a molehill. Forgive yourself and consider the possibility that your boyfriend has done something similar, or will in the future (and when that happens, forgive him.. you owe him that one time forgiveness).
But how can I forgive myself? I feel like a different person, this situation has changed my perspective on everything, on who I am and what my values actually mean to me. I just feel so lost, and my bf, the day after it happened, kept telling me that honesty was the only thing we have. We had both agreed at the beginning of our relationship that we preferred to be told. And now turns out I’m the one who failed him, and I’m scared that he’ll know eventually.
You wrote that the day after the kiss, your boyfriend “kept telling (you) that honesty was the only thing we have”- what was the context of him telling you that honesty is the only thing you have, how did it come about that he talked about honesty?
Another question: you wrote earlier, “if I tell my bf it will be the end of us”- what makes you so sure that if you tell him about this one kiss, that he will break up with you, did he say things to you in the past that lead you to be so sure that he will break up with you if he knew of this one kiss?