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Involved with the wrong man.

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  PearceHawk 2 months ago.

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  • #153902

    Ivy
    Participant

    I recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I was engaged with. Our relationship started slow but after 4 months of dating him on and off we finally hit it off to a very good start. To my surprise I fell in love with him very fast. He was not even my type physically but maybe the fact that he was 9 years older than I made it interesting. We had wonderful dinners and events. Traveled to romantic places. His family and friends are amazing. After about 1 year into our relationship we had our first argument. His very short tempered and raised his voice at times. This only happened maybe 2 times, but that was enough to get me thinking whether this was good or not. Things got better and after two years we moved in together. That was a not good idea. Best way to really get to know some one is live with that person. He never helped me with the house chores and didn’t want to go out anymore. He was very jealous and questioned me when ever I went out. In our 3rd year together he had to live away from home for about a year for work. That is where I got my chance to know if I really wanted this relationship. During that year we got engaged ( i was afraid to say no). During this time away from each other I became very friendly with my PT (personal trainer) who was in a relationship as well but on and off. We knew there could not be any feelings involved, so we saw each other outside our training time when ever we could,but not too often. No complications involved here. During this time I was slowly falling out of love with my fiancee. I was having a great time going out with friends and loving my time alone. He eventually came back and everything was terrible. I knew that I no longer had any feelings for my fiancee and had to let him know. It took me sometime because I knew he would be heart broken. During this time I continued to see my PT on the side. I finally broke the news to my fiancee that I no longer can stay in this relationship. It wasn’t easy, and took him several months to move out and has tried stay away. I continued to see my PT much freely now. I am completely infatuated with him and care about him since we have built a friendship throughout these couple of years. I became too involved with him and now I’m stuck in a rut. He went back with his girlfriend and is living with her. I feel terrible about the situation but I don’t know how to stop these feelings for him and still be able to work with him.  Please help.

    #153998

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ivy:

    Perhaps you don’t have to work with your PT/ ex-boyfriend? Not that it will solve your heartache, but it may help…?

    anita

    #154004

    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Hello Ivy,

    i hope that by the time you read this you are well on the way with more clarity in life and less hurt. Getting involved with someone so deeply only to find out that perhaps the relationship is too toxic is a common theme with us. Unfortunately one of the many downsides to this is that the latest ne’er you go on with this not only the harder it gets to liberate ourselves, but also the hurt gets more rooted. To love some, and to be in love with someone are 2 entirely different things that all too often are misconstrued to be the same emotion. You certainly can love someone yet not be in love with that person. I would like to invite you to explore this and maybe consider this to be what you might be going through. At one point in my life I confused the two as being as one and the same. After allowing myself to be hurt many times, I took a step back and looked at that possibility only to learn that that difference is very real. Knowing that has served me very well. Love yourself Ivy and take care of you-first

    Pearce Hawk

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