April 18, 2021 at 6:55 am #377979Anagha SondeParticipant
I am 33 years old unmarried woman. I am an Indian hailing from a patriarchal society where girls are married at the age of 25-26, have 2 kids by the age of 30. I had a messy breakup and hence couldn’t come to terms with marrying anyone else. I do not feel like marrying at all and I am not sure about it. Is marriage the ultimate purpose of life? Does it give everlasting bliss? I am trying to be spiritual and joined a spiritual organisation where the sisters and brothers are all single. They advocate that we have to embrace God to be our ultimate companion and soulmate. The moment I think about marriage it makes me feel negative things about sex and I hate sex to the core. Although I have explored foreplay with a few partners, I am still a virgin and don’t feel like giving up my virginity for a man. Please enlighten me about the negative effects of marriage and other aspects that you deem fit.April 18, 2021 at 10:33 am #377986anitaParticipant
Dear Anagha Sonde:
Welcome back! It is very easy for me to answer your questions with confidence:
(1) “Is marriage the ultimate purpose of life?”- no.
(2) “Does it give everlasting bliss?”- no.
I will add: marriage can be and is, for many people, a healthy, functional emotional, physical and practical arrangement where both parties benefit.
For many people, it is not the case.
“Please enlighten me about the negative effects of marriage and other aspects that you deem fit”-
– when a girl or a woman has been sexually used and misused for the singular benefit of a man (such as was your case), it is hard to view sex as an experience that is free from the strong feeling of being misused and taken advantaged of, and it is a terrible feeling. You can’t have a healthy marriage that involves sex when you feel so negatively about sex.
anitaApril 27, 2021 at 5:04 am #378812Anagha SondeParticipant
Yes. Thanks for agreeing with me. But then I have decided to remain single and unmarried – question is what will I do when I am old? Others will be busy with their spouse and children, I will be all alone and lonely leading a miserable life. I am not saying that married life will be better for me. But I see that both sides there is no sunshine.April 27, 2021 at 7:11 am #378821anitaParticipant
Dear Anagha Sonde:
“what will I do when I am old?”- when you are old, maybe you will be able to pay for domestic help, a younger woman perhaps who will come into your home, help with cleaning, cooking, etc.
“Others will be busy with their spouse and children, I will be alone and lonely leading a miserable life”- many of the other women who are and will be busy with their spouses and children are miserable, and will be miserable- that’s unfortunate for them and for their children.
About being “alone and lonely leading a miserable life” when you are old, how is your life now, at 33- is not alone, lonely and miserable?