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Letting go of Childhood mistakes?

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This topic contains 210 replies, has 59 voices, and was last updated by  Zara 2 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #294097

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zara:

    I read your two posts on page 13 (the previous page) and my reply here is to your two posts only, not to other members’ posts, and it is about the specific acts you listed.

    Clearly, as a young child you didn’t know those things are wrong because they weren’t wrong. They couldn’t be wrong until someone told you these things are wrong. When your mother told you they were wrong, it was like a god telling you they were wrong, because a parent to a young child is the ultimate authority.

    You didn’t do anything wrong before you were told these things are wrong. This is why in a court of law children are not held responsible for acts that adults are held responsible for. Again, if a child wasn’t clearly told something is wrong, how is the child to know?

    Did you attend psychotherapy or counseling on the matter?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  anita.
    #294655

    Zara
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

     

    Thank you so much for your reply, through mediation I have become aware that i an judging my younger self from my older 26 year old perspective and this is not fair.

    I haven’t been to a counselor, I have been doing a lot of meditation and shadow work.. I actually wrote myself a poem… from my younger perspective.. this was so therapeutic. I recalled memories of being so excited to have a sister and being so obsessed with her and wanting to take care of her… I didn’t want to hurt her, I was simply led by curiosity or hormones I don’t know and I wanted to have the ”butterflies ” with her… as cring as that Sounds. It was healing because I realized my actions didn’t come from a place of malice or wanting to cause harm…

    i just didn’t have the Information to know…

    this had led me to being a door mat to my sister, I give her everything and she actually would bully me over the years, nothing serious, but I always took it because I thought I deserved it. Even my mother and bother would say OMG why do you let her treat you like this… and to be honest it’s over guilt and shame of that situation when I was 8….

    i have told my best friends who were so loving and accepting. My mum and i had that healing conversation, but have never discussed it again. She has really bad depression and so I don’t want to burned her.

    Mediation is helping a lot, I am just trying to work up the courage to open up to my boyfriend about it. This is causing me a lot of fear but I have to be brave and if he thinks it’s disgusting etc then that’s his problem because I really want to fully love me, love and accept my younger self, forgive her and let her go in peace.

    Because we all deserve love forgiveness.

    reading these stories has been so healing, knowing I’m not the only one to experience something like this…

    I have hope that we all are healing

    Thanks

     

    X

     

     

    #294697

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zara:

    You are welcome. It is clear to me that the non-event with your sister could not have damaged her in any way, shape or form. It is also clear to me that this is none of your boyfriend’s business. You keep thinking that you are a bad person who needs to be forgiven. I know the feeling, I felt it my whole life. I thought I needed to let people know how bad I was so that they will be warned.

    I was wrong the whole time, decades of wrong- I was not bad, I only thought I was bad.

    If you observe people you will see that people believe things that you know are not true, perhaps strange religious beliefs that don’t make any sense. Correct?

    Same is the nature of your belief that you are a bad person, that you were bad from a young age.

    Back to you and your sister- think of it: she bullied you sometimes. Each act of bullying, did it hurt you a bit? All along you never hurt her.

    When you were a child it should have been explained to you gently, what is right behavior and what is wrong, then you would have naturally do what was right to do, because a young child is very motivated to please a parent. If the correction was done gently, it wouldn’t have turned out to be such an agonizing, long term experience for you.

    anita

     

    #294715

    Zara
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Me and ny sister are so close, I live in another country now and she calls me every day etc but in the past she was the boss and would be so bitchy to me and I always took it. Now I stand up for myself because I am on the path to self forgiveness.

    Do you really think i shouldn’t tell him? I have this voice in my head that tells me he should know. I don’t know why I think this, maybe I feel that I’m  a faured and he should know who he loves….

    my mum told me I don’t need to say it to my sister because I’m the only one who is suffering from it.

    i have come such a long way through mediation and self love, I just feel like the last peace of the journey is for me to open up to him about it. But I want to wait till it comes up naturally, looking back I had so many occasions when I could of but this wasn’t in my head, only last month it all came back to me after having thought I dealt with it as a teenager…

     

     

     

    #294723

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zara:

    I suppose it makes sense to tell your boyfriend, if he is supportive, so to share with him what bothers you so much, not as a confession. After all, he made plenty of “Childhood mistakes” himself, I am sure. He is not a.. god that needs to know the sins of his inferiors, is he?

    anita

    #294731

    Zara
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    No he is very lovely and supportive but he is very unemotional…he rarely opens up to me he doesn’t mean it, it’s just his way. I absolutely love this man. I have told him really embrassing sex dreams and more and we have had and he’s laughed it off…

    He’s quite and he never talks about his emotions but o do it all the time and when i do he just holds me and says all will be fine.

    Maybe I will wait and the universe will provide an opportunity and then I will open up.. but until then just focus on self forgiveness.

    thanks for writing about this with me it’s really helpful

    #294733

    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Zara.

    anita

    #294749

    angi
    Participant

    The fact that you’re embarrassed and you will never want to repeat that act means you’re a different person now from how you used to be. Don’t attach yourself to something that its no longer you. We all make mistakes, grow and improve. Be glad for that, you have learned from your mistakes.

    #296013

    Sammi
    Participant

    Hi, sorry I know this is an old forum but this is my last resort. I would never have dreamed of posting this online but seeing other people post similar stories has encouraged me to do the same in getting help.

     

    I’ll cut to the chase. When I was a kid, around 10 or 11 maybe, I used to let my friend’s dog hump me because, well, I liked the feeling. Just typing that makes me feel disgusted. I considered that my biggest secret fot years but I had always been able to shove it down before. For some reason, years later, my mind suddenly latched on to that memory and for the past month now I haven’t been able to let it go. I read about real event OCD and I am sure that’s what I’m going through right now. (I was already diagnosed with OCD beforehand). It’s been increasing my depression and suicidal thoughts and they both keep feeding off each other. To make matters worse it seems like there’s only a couple of articles about real event OCD and no help for it. Though, I did read that confessing to people and extensive internet research can be compulsions. After reading that, I tried to stop hoping the compulsions would go away but after a couple of weeks the compulsions haven’t weakened in strength. And since I’m so desperate for help I only want to perform them more.

    I told my mom, hoping for reassurance but I regretted it afterwards as she was obviously uncomfortable. Now I’m obsessing about how that might be the only thing she sees when she looks at me.

    I also have a therapist who I told, but she seemed very uncomfortable as well and changed the subject. I was hoping to get a response similar to Lily, who said her therapist laughed it off but the reaction of her changing the subject only made me feel so much worse.

    I have no idea what to do. I feel so hopeless and each day my disgust and guilt is only getting so much worse, nd my suicidal thoughts are increasing.

    Please, any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

    #296055

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sammi:

    “(I was already been diagnosed with OCD beforehand). It’s been increasing my depression..”- if you want to start your own thread on your OCD and depression that started before and independently of your childhood sexual activity that you mentioned here, please do so, start your own thread without a mention of the dog. I will be glad to read your own thread and reply there.

    anita

    #296083

    Sammi
    Participant

    I don’t really see the point in that since my problem right now is because of the dog.

    #296121

    Sammi
    Participant

    I have to admit, I’m a little confused as to why you were much more sympathetic to the guy who tried to have sex with his cat when he was a teenager (and definitely knew better). Is it because you’re a dog person? Or are you more likely to excuse a guy doing that because ‘boys will be boys’?

    #296131

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sammi/ all who post on this thread:

    My position is the following (asserted before, then withdrawn and now re-asserted)-

    I will no longer post on this thread because I believe that the topic of sexual activity between young children and other young children or animals is not appropriate in the context of a public forum such as this. This topic should be addressed in the context of a confidential private setting such as in psychotherapy.

    Regarding future posts on this thread by members, I will reply at times only by referring the future poster to this very post, responding to the member by writing: “please read my second post on May 28, 2019, page 14”, and that is all that I will type.

    Our communication here, Sammi, has just ended.

    anita

    #296133

    anita
    Participant

    * Correction: I will no longer communicate with members on this thread, but I will post the following as a response to members posting here in the future: “please read my second post on May 28, 2019, page 14, plus the correction that followed it”.

    anita

    #296309

    Anonymous
    Participant

    Dear Anita,
    Are you still responding to posts?

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