October 5, 2020 at 10:39 pm #367600Unknown_marshmelloParticipant
I talked to a therapist and she said that I need to see a psychiatrist. She was pretty rude to me. Can you talk with me? PleaseOctober 5, 2020 at 11:03 pm #367601
Then you need to see a psychotherapist who will not be rude to you. Like I wrote to you earlier today, “the place to discuss this topic is in a professional private, confidential setting (such as in a counselor’s office), not on a public forum such as this. If you choose to share this with a counselor/ psychotherapist, make sure that the counselor is professional at all times”- please see a therapist who is professional and empathetic (not rude). I wish you well, and I will no longer reply to you here, on this thread.
anitaOctober 26, 2020 at 9:59 am #368251KIARAParticipant
I did a horrible mistake as a teenager, I let my dog lick myself when I came out of the shower I never forced him but it felt really bad. Now I have suicidal thoughts and I wanna kill myself, please help.October 26, 2020 at 12:16 pm #368269
Please seek professional psychotherapy/ counseling as soon as possible. Anyone who considers suicide should seek professional help ASAP. Please do. I wish you well.
anitaOctober 26, 2020 at 3:21 pm #368270
I just want to start off by saying I’m so so sorry you guys have to read these horrible things I did as a child. But I can’t keep it in any longer, it’s literally killing me inside every single day for the past 4 months. I’m in so much fucking pain every single second of my life because of this. Okay, So to start off I am an immigrant from a different country. I moved here when I was 10, In 2013. Even when I was at a different country I’ve had a lot of sexual experience with other playmates. But once I moved here, I had access to a computer, and of course like every child ever I started watching pornagraphy. I was so fascinated by what they did. So once I started seeing these things I started masterbating for the first when I was about 11. I had a neighbor who lived right next to my apartment, I cannot for the life of me remeber how old she was, probably around 8 or 9. I was around 12-13 at the time. I knew her dad pretty well because he was really nice to me. So this is when it started, Me and that girl were swimming in the pool. I was tossing her around the pool for fun and then out of nowhere I got hard. She came back to get to do the same thing again so I basically rubbed my thing in her back, I never felt that way before, It was a new feeling, I didn’t even know what the hell was going on at the moment nor what I was doing but I just know it felt good at the time. Me and that girl and her brother would always play around and I remember this another time in the parkinglot, me and her did the same thing again. We basically “dry humped”. This happened about 2 or 3 times more. I didn’t see anything wrong with it at that time because I was so little, I just liked the feeling so I kept doing it. I din’t force her, I didn’t threaten her in any way. No violence involved. She moved out of our apt about 2 or more years ago and this memory is barely came back to me about 4 months ago. Ever since then I’ve been having a very very hard time trying to get over it. What the fuck was wrong with me? Why did I take advatage of someone younger than me? Do i deserve to live? I’ve been having suicidal thoughts these past months. I cannot express to you in words the pain that I feel waking up every morning. I’m now 17 about to turn 18, a senior in hs. This event happened around 4 or 5 years ago and the memory barely came back hitting me like a truck. I want to go to college, I want to graduate and get a good job to feed my family and give back to my mom who took care of me so much. But I feel this topic ever comes to public I will lose the opporunity to go to college and get a job. I’m slowly drowing in my thoughts, feeling trapped between these four walls in my room. I’m crying while I’m writing this. I’m so sorry whoever had to read this disgusting act that I did. I don’t think I deserve to live, but I need to, to take care of my mom and dad. What shoud I do to get over this?October 26, 2020 at 5:15 pm #368277
I read how much you are suffering: “it’s literally killing me inside every single day… every single second.. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts these past months. I cannot express to you in words the pain that I feel waking up every morning”-
– you are a senior in high school, you wrote, 17 going on 18. Please see your high school counselor/ reach out to community resources for psychotherapy (sliding scale or free), and get the help that you need as soon as possible.
“Do I deserve to live?”- yes you do, and you deserve to have a good life. This is a public forum. It is not a professional, therapeutic setting. What you need is the private, professional setting of psychotherapy. I wish you well.
anitaOctober 26, 2020 at 5:20 pm #368278
Thank you so much for your reply anita. I cannot help but think about the fact that I may have caused that girl trauma, even though I have my own I cannot stop thinking about how I probably caused her trauma. I’m not a person who wants to hurt others for no reason… I suffer so much from it, it gets so hard every second.October 26, 2020 at 5:28 pm #368279
You are welcome. I understand that you are afraid that you caused her trauma- I cannot tell you whether you did or did not traumatize her. It will be wrong for me, or for any member, to guess that you did or not. Like I wrote to you, this is a public forum. Anyone may be reading this, and it is wrong to send anyone the message that these kinds of behaviors are okay/not harmful.
I hope you discuss this with a counselor/ therapist soon, in a private, confidential setting.
If you want to start a thread about your emotional struggles outside this sexual topic, please do, and I will communicate with you there.
anitaOctober 28, 2020 at 9:23 pm #368379
I’m back once again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. At times I feel like everything is okay and another minute something happens to my body and a wave of sadness, guilt and shame just takes me away. I want to talk to someone I really do but we don’t even have school right now so I can’t even talk to my counselor. I keep feeling like a horrible person. Whenever I open social media I see these incidents that are similar to mine and people calling them pedos and rapists and lately these words have been really triggering to me. But I guess that’s karma coming back after 4 years and biting me in the ass. I guess I deserve this. It’s a shame that these words like “rapists” trigger me. What was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I just had a normal childhood like the other kids. Why couldn’t my middle school years be the same and normal like other kids. I have extreme self hate towards myself. I wish everything would pass with time. I wish I’ll have a normal life.October 29, 2020 at 6:55 am #368398
If you want to start your own thread about your emotional struggles (“sadness, guilt and shame… extreme self hate”)- go to Forums at the top, choose and click a Category, scroll down the page . In your own thread don’t provide any sexual details of acts done (I will remember what you shared here), and I will communicate with you there. I will no longer reply to you on this thread.
anitaNovember 10, 2020 at 10:17 am #368903BlazeParticipant
Hi Anita, is there any way I can message you privately? Maybe an email? I really need to ask something but I would prefer if i could do it privately. Thank you.November 10, 2020 at 10:17 am #368904BlazeParticipant
Hi Anita, is there any way I can contact you privately? Maybe an email? I have a question I really want to ask but want to do it privately.
thank you.November 10, 2020 at 1:10 pm #368931
No, there is no way to contact me privately here, and I don’t want to communicate via email. You have a question for me. I wonder if it is a question I already answered in my many posts on this thread. Did you read those?
anitaNovember 12, 2020 at 9:11 am #369055DonaldParticipant
I’m a 76 year old newbie and I’m checking to see if my registration is correct—can someone please respond to this post?November 12, 2020 at 9:11 am #369057DonaldParticipant
Hi Folks. Am I showing up in the forums?