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Living With an Angry Man

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  RamoneJoseph 6 months ago.

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  • #140945

    Raye
    Participant

    I know it is impossible to change another person.  The only person we can change is ourself.  My husband has a problem with anger.  He would deny this, but I believe it is always burning just below his functioning level and waiting for a match to light it so it can gush forth like a hot volcano.  

    Unfortunately, I did not witness this while we were dating.  His evil side came out after we were wed in the Catholic Church.  Fred won’t sit down and talk our his anger.  He knows it is wrong, but apparently, even after reading and studying, counseling, church confession, he seems to be either unwilling or incapable of controlling this rage that dwells within him.

    Fred has never hit me or any of our children.  He pushed our little dog away from him with his foot and made her yelp, but that is the worse treatment she got and only that one time.  What he does that I find increasingly hard to live with is his constant throwing away of possessions that I have given him, photos, clothes, bedding, paintings, foods in the frig or freezer that he knows I like, etc.  This action makes me feel two things:  1)  I am nothing more than trash to him and he has the right to simply throw me out with the trash anytime I make him unhappy.  2) Fred is trying to erase me from his live completely by doing away with any and all items in the house that would cause him to think of me.  Fred 

    Fred and I have talked about this many times and he should know how I feel about it.  He rarely apologizes for his actions, and I feel myself pulling away from him a little more each time he does this.  I have told him how badly his actions hurt me and they make me feel.  Apparently, he just doesn’t care.  

    I welcome advice and comments. 

    Raye

    Houston, TX

    #140969

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Raye:

    As long as he continues to throw away items as punishment of you, the relationship cannot be healed. He has to stop this behavior first.

    If he continues to refuse to stop this behavior, your only option to not be exposed to his brand of punishment is to no longer live with him.

    anita

    #141003

    RamoneJoseph
    Participant

    Raye,

    This is an amazing book on dealing with anger:

    https://www.amazon.com/Cow-Parking-Lot-Approach-Overcoming/dp/0761158154

    You’re first hurdle is going to be getting him to recognize the problem and actually want to change…

    wishing you health and happiness,

    Ramone

    #143115

    AceLs
    Participant

    I think you have to look at this from a few different perspectives. That anger is aggressive masculine energy & it’s not a big deal to other aggressive males but when he deals with passive, soft, feminine energy it comes across as scary & angry. Now as for throwing things away …… is he doing it on purpose just to hurt you ? Or is he just cleaning up & isn’t sensitive you how you feel about the things he’s trashing ? From what you wrote it sounds like he never yells or gets physically abusive with so unless your scared of him I’d continue to try to get him to talk & remember that aggressive energy isn’t bad as long as you can channel properly. Many successful people & good providers have a lot of masculine energy …… it’s just the way a lot of people are wired. Hope this helps

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