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Lonliness

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Mark 9 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #187333

    Mary
    Participant

    I am new here.  I’ve suffered with depression and loneliness for a long time.  Everyone says they are lonely but no one wants to hangout.  Any ideas?

    #187365

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Mary:

    I am sure you know of ideas, as people have lots of ideas of how to make friends and socialize well. There are books on this topic, articles everywhere, on the internet.

    Did you read or hear such suggestions, from books/ online or people advising you on the matter?

    If so, what ideas did you try, and why do you think those ideas didn’t work for you?

    anita

    #187487

    Mary
    Participant

    Anita,

    i have tried several things but not much luck.  Maybe not trying hard enough.  Right now I’m trying to practice the power of now and enjoy my own company.

    #187527

    crystalmoon
    Participant

    Dear Mary,

    I am sorry you are feeling depressed and lonely. I understand you very well, have been in your shoes many, many times.

    the solution to solving loneliness is usually to start giving, opening oneself to others and not waiting in return to be given, simply giving for the sake of connecting. This givin can manifest as working with little children and giving them care, attention and wonders of knowledge (without forcing knowledge), it can manifest as caring for older people, or becoming a listening partner for someone and accepting their troubles without judgment and criticism. It can manifest as looking after animals or plants, this way you connect with the surrounding People usually become lonely when we close off and don’t accept the surroundings, we become fearful what others will think and what we will think of others, also we close off when we wait for someone else to do it first and so we wait forever. Imagine how you would want to be treated by others, it would be so cool when someone came and showed interest in you, wanted to spend time with you, now become that person whom you want to meet and go out to others.

     

    lots warm greetings

    #187561

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Mary:

    I hope you do enjoy your own company and continue to enjoy it. As to making friends, try one way at a time, patiently. As you do, pay attention and learn from your experience. See what works, what doesn’t. Expect small results, gradual. It is not so much about luck but about learning and acting more effectively over time.

    anita

    #187797

    Mary
    Participant

    crystalmoon

     

    Thank you for replying.  I will try some of your suggestions.

    #189015

    Mark
    Participant

    For my desire to make friends and have company, I look to Meetups as an avenue to get out and do activities with others.

    There are also dances which provide lessons.  Community oriented dances such as contra or square dancing is a more friendly and open way of trying this.

    There is going to church as well.  Showing up regularity will help you become part of the community.  I use to do that at my local Buddhist temple.

    Volunteering where there are activities that involve people.  I use to do Meals-on-Wheels because I got out to meet people who I deliver the food to.  I volunteered at the food bank where I got to share time with other volunteers.

    Sign up for a class.  I have taken photography, mindfulness and other classes.  I’m taking an improv class now.  It’s a blast.  I am an introvert too.

    Google what to do when you are lonely.

    Let us know how you are doing,
    Mark

    #189025

    Peter
    Participant

    The word loneliness its often used in a vague way that makes it difficult to identify what it is we really looking for. It’s difficult to hit a target that we don’t really see.

    Being alone does not necessary mean being lonely while being around others does not necessary mean we won’t still feel lonely.

    The experience of loneliness is complex. I think loneliness is really a desire/need for our lives to be witnessed by others. Not only witnessed but witnessed and affirmed.  As in ‘I see you as you are… I say yes to you. You matter…’

    I’m not sure if learning to accept and love ourselves as we are can lesson the experience of loneliness… however I think it opens the door for others to enter our lives. I suspect ‘like attracts like’ in such matters so we ought to practice witnessing and affirming our self and others.

    #189067

    Mary
    Participant

    Thank you for replying.  I am exploring some options.

    #189145

    Mark
    Participant

    Mary,

    Keep us up-to-date on how things go.

    Mark

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