Hello everyone,

I wanted to take a moment to apologize to the community, and especially to Jena, for responding after she asked me not to. I became emotional in wanting to express care and support, but I now realize that my emotional state clouded my judgment and led me to overstep her boundaries.

Moving forward, I will be more mindful to ensure that I communicate with care and respect for everyone’s needs.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to reflect and learn.

Dear Jana:

I am using my phone and therefore will keep it short. No, Jana, you are not wrong. It’s just that I didn’t know that you were scared of me. It didn’t cross my mind that anyone may be scared of me.

But now I know because tou told me. And I know that there must be other members in the forums past or present, who feel or felt like you do.

So no, it is not only you, Jana.

One of my challenges in life has been not knowing how I come across. Without feedback, I couldn’t know. So, thank you for your honest feedback.

You wrote that you don’t know if I feel that you are a friend or someone who needs to be fixed. Clearly, I am now aware, sadly, it was the latter. I regret this attitude toward you and toward others who felt like you but didn’t tell me.

I intend to internalize what you are teaching me and change further my approach to members in the forums: see people as people and not as projects to fix. I am feeling embarrassed right now about the arrogance on my part, to think that I am or could be a fixer of people 😔

You are a friend, Jana, my friend because you gave me this very valuable, honest feedback, such that is leading me to be a healthier person. How can I possibly not be grateful..?

This is turning out to be a long message, and by far, the longest message I ever typed into a phone.

You are courageous. Jana, for expressing yourself and asserting yourself with a person you were scared of. I admire you for your courage in voicing what others who felt like you were too scared to voice

Of course, I will be honored to be friends with you, and I am smiling right now at the thought that one day you will not at all be scared of me.

I hope that you will stay here in the forums. I would like you to post every day. But this is just my wish. I want you to do what suits you.

Closing this post with a smile 😃

Anita

There have been some changes for me recently regarding self-compassion.

I have been taking care to manage my boundaries better. By this I don’t mean confrontationally. I mean, by making sure that I don’t do things that I’m uncomfortable with or push myself beyond my limit.

Typically, I can be co-dependant and go out of my way to help others even when it starts to take a toll.

I’m not putting myself through that stress anymore. It is important for me to take breaks when I need it.

I’m also practising better self-care. Tailoring it to my autism by focusing on reducing overstimulation. Managing my anxiety with breath work.

Dear Jana:

I’ve been thinking about you every day since you last posted, hoping to read from you again. I want you to know that my message comes from a place of care, respect, and genuine appreciation for who you are. If at any point something I share here feels overwhelming or unwelcome, please know that it’s not my intention, and I’m happy to adjust or step back. My goal is simply to support and connect with you.

Something about the way you share your raw, honest self has touched me deeply and stayed with me. I think so highly of you, Jana. I see you as a reflective, empathetic, and courageous person—someone who seeks growth and navigates life with authenticity and resilience.

On Feb 24, you shared something that stands out to me this morning: “It takes courage to be vulnerable because we expose ourselves to the threat of being hurt… Maybe that’s why I see tenderness as ‘weakness’ because when I am tender and thus vulnerable, bad people have an opportunity to use me as a target of their frustration.”

Reflecting on what you’ve shared about analysis and understanding, I realize now how often I turned to analysis to shield myself from experiencing emotions—my own and others’. But I see now that this habit has limited me. I want to connect with people, including you, on a deeper, more compassionate level, and to hold space for emotions without trying to fix or intellectualize them.

Jana, I don’t ever want to hurt you by turning your openness into a subject for analysis. Your vulnerability deserves care and understanding, and I want to honor that.

What you shared on March 8— “No one cares. I guess I must be wrong again.”—is most meaningful to me this morning, and I want to respond with understanding, the best I can: Jana, I care deeply about what you share, and I want to support you in the way you need—by listening, by understanding, and by holding space for you to simply be.

Regarding your concerns about my participation in the forums (March 6), I want to assure you that my intention has been to help and to make sure no one’s pain goes unanswered. I also want to encourage you and others to take as much space and presence in the forums as feels comfortable—you are always welcome here.

Jana, your presence and words here have touched me deeply, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to connect with you. Please know that I’m here for you in whatever way feels right for you. Take gentle care of yourself.

anita

Dear Jana:

You ended your post yesterday with: “Sometimes I ask why I had to be born this way. Being oversensitive is hard in this world. I must learn to work with it better.❤️”

I wanted to share something that might give you hope about oversensitivity— whether it’s something you’re born with or something shaped by experiences.

It used to be thought that our genes were fixed, unchanging from birth. But recent scientific discoveries in epigenetics show us something hopeful: while our DNA sequence stays the same, environmental factors— like stress, trauma, or nurturing— can change how our genes “express” themselves. In other words, life experiences can “turn on” (upregulate) or “turn off” (downregulate, or silence) certain genes, affecting how we feel and respond to the world.

Here are two examples:

SLC6A4 (Serotonin Transporter Gene): Difficult experiences, like trauma, can silence or downregulate this gene, reducing serotonin— a key chemical that helps calm stress. Lower serotonin activity is often linked to heightened sensitivity, anxiety, and difficulty managing stress.

NR3C1 (Glucocorticoid Receptor Gene): Stress can upregulate this gene, which controls cortisol (the stress hormone). This can lead to an overactive stress response and increased sensitivity to stressors.

The good news is that these changes aren’t permanent. Epigenetics teaches us that with care and positive experiences, these patterns can shift, offering real hope for healing and growth.

This means that oversensitivity to people or fear isn’t necessarily something you were born with—or something that has to stay the same forever. Change is possible, even in adulthood.

I found this very encouraging and thought it might give you a sense of hope as well. ❤️

anita

Hi Jana

I think a lot of people have social anxiety. Myself included. What has helped me to manage the catastrophising is to repeatedly compare my fears to the actual outcome. Then when I worry, I reassure myself that my fears, aren’t necessarily the truth of the situation and often things go better than feared.

Another thing that I struggled with was feeling capable of managing in challenging situations. It took time and practice of repeatedly challenging myself. But in time I became more confident and less afraid of it.

In therapy, I learned that the nature of anxiety and fear is that avoiding it, reinforces the fear. Whilst challenging ourselves is stressful, in time it is possible to learn that things we are afraid of can be safe.

The best way to do this is bit by bit though, so as to not overwhelm. It is a long journey, no sense in rushing.