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Son left unexpectedly

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Viewing 15 posts - 241 through 255 (of 497 total)
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  • #433832
    anita
    Participant

    Yes, still awake, SadSoul, you and I awake at the same time: U.S./ Australia?

    anita

    #433833
    anita
    Participant

    Good night, SadSoul. Don’t worry, Australia is a HUGE continent. No one can find you here, in this little tiny (TINY) buddha website. I am here since May 2015, using my real name, anita: and no one found (or tried to) find me.

    Anonymously yours,

    anita

    #433834
    SadSoul
    Participant

    Nigh night. There was a knock at my door. Sleep well!

    #433844
    anita
    Participant

    Dear SadSoul: I slept surprisingly well, thank you. Friday morning here, early morning. I like early mornings. I hope that you sleep well tonight!

    anita

    #433848
    SadSoul
    Participant

    Good morning to you! I had a lovely dinner and catch up with one of the offspring and partner. Then went on an egotism explore as to why I felt so awful last weekend. All I came up with is that I’m half bat crazy. Hmmmm 😂

    #433849
    SadSoul
    Participant

    Not egotism, emotional. Phones are dum 😂

    #433851
    anita
    Participant

    Good night to you, Hilarious & Witty SadSoul!

    anita

    #433857
    SadSoul
    Participant

    Dearest Anita, public first name user on tiny website 😂

    Another lovely thing happened yesterday, the cupboard is finally in my house. It was very hard for the fellows to get it in and, instead of how I’ve experienced people when they’re having difficulties, the boys laughed and laughed the whole way through. Isn’t that gorgeous?!

    I still haven’t mowed my grass. Unbelievable. At least I’m not doing anything this weekend that inspires be to feel like gigantic DBs! I will instead settle for background guilt and shame I’m not doing it. I should go right now, but I’m tired, and I’d like to explore ditching guilt for things that in the big scheme really should not be this important.

    At least my stove is clean 😂 😂

    What are you planning for your weekend?

    #433858
    SadSoul
    Participant

    Ha! Problem solved: grass mowed. Now facing fear of next time 😂 Went over a number of scenarios, like if only someone offered to do it for me, but rejected this thought for fear of becoming less strong, and less fit, and incapable of doing it myself further down the track. Yes, Owen worst enemy, but also having had to do these things for myself my whole life, and getting older and starting to notice frail, am very conscious of keeping moving so I can keep moving. I don’t want to end up in an old folks home, unable to even make a cup of tea for myself, at the mercy of the establishment. I don’t want to lose the freedom to kill myself doing my sport 😂 or die in my sleep 😂 Yes I’m a cheerful little sunflower 😂

    So I didn’t end up finding out the mystery of non achievement guilt / shame.

    Good morning afternoon evening whatever time of the day it is for you.

    #433859
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cheerful Little Sunflower SadSoul:

    Grass mowed, yes, well done!

    I don’t want to lose the freedom to kill myself doing my sport“- the freedom to kill yourself.. hmm. Don’t kill yourself.

    It is Fri night here, I have to get up early in the morning and participate in a some small town celebration I don’t care about. I can’t focus on much right now, red wine and all. If I could, I would wipe away shame and guilt off from you. And from me, completely. And BE, EXPRESS, FREELY. You and me, BE, just be.

    anita

    #433860
    SadSoul
    Participant

    No panics, I won’t intentionally top myself.

    Red wine sounds lovely except it is unenjoyable to me since I quit smoking.

    I used to like doing small town things when my town was small. Now it’s big and lacks the nice things small used to have. These days I probably have my head up my butt too much to enjoy though, with all my Sad Souling around. If I was closer I’d go with you because these things are made fun with a partner in crime – not actual crime just someone to do things with.

    Oh to be free! You and me! I wonder what it will take.

    #433868
    anita
    Participant

    Dear SadSoul:

    Just came back from the not a small-town events, but medium-town event, not where I live, but in the same county: parades, vendors, high school band and cheerleaders, local businesses parading, throwing kisses to the crowds, horses and Mexican dancers, Christian churches offering free water and popcorn.. TIRED.

    anita

    #433870
    SadSoul
    Participant

    I suppose churches have to be good for something 😂 and I hope you got some enjoyment out of it.

    I chickened out of doing my sport yesterday but got my courage up and went today. Most excellent! We pretty much nailed it! I’m exhausted now but also feeling satisfied with myself on this particular point.

    My son sent me a text! It’s so hard not asking him to catch up. It’s so hard just responding with the same level of energy and types of things as he said. When part of me is nearly in tears and the other part so badly wants to see him! Aaah well. That ball is firmly in his court waiting for him to serve it. Patience young padawan!

    Sleep well, dear Anita. I look forward to hearing about your cool parade day.

    #433873
    anita
    Participant

    Dear SadSoul:

    I look forward to hearing about your cool parade day“- during the parade/ festivities, on a few occasions, in my own mind, I found myself telling you about what I was observing. I walked a lot during the 8 hours I was there. There was music and I enjoy the last 2 songs only, and even danced to them just a bit (how can one not dance to “I want to dance with somebody”, an impressive imitation of Whitney Houston’s 1987 video performance). The hands-free pie eating context: I was/ am too old to derive pleasure out of that kind of thing, walked away before it started, waste of pie.

    We pretty much nailed it! I’m exhausted now but also feeling satisfied with myself on this particular point“- when team-work works/ when people work well together.

    My son sent me a text! It’s so hard not asking him to catch up… That ball is firmly in his court waiting for him to serve it. Patience young padawan!“- this is what a good mother does.

    Talking about Star Wars (from path of the jedi. com): “Anakin Skywalker’s attendance to the Jedi Academy was actually denied by the Jedi Council. He was already too old by that time and the Council was concerned by all the uncertainty they sensed from him. Believing that Anakin was the Chosen One who would ultimately bring balance to the Force, Qui-Gon saw this rejection as only a temporary set back but one that had to wait until more pressing matters were resolved on the planet of Naboo… It was at this moment on the hanger boarding their ship that Qui-Gon tells him, ‘Your focus determines your reality.’ Qui-Gon was the epitome of mindfulness, and fair or not, he believed this a valuable lesson for the young Anakin. After all, it’s never too soon to start training the Chosen One”-

    – paralleling this to you: like Anakin Skywalker, you are currently denied attendance to your son’s life. Like Anakin, you feel uncertain. You can view this rejection as a temporary setback.  it’s never too late for you to Choose your Focus on any day (and to choose peace-of-mind and calm because that would serve you- and those you care about- best).

    anita

     

    #433881
    SadSoul
    Participant

    A star wars fan! Back in the day I watched them with the kids. There’s some guys philosophies in them.

    When I was a kid I was astounded at a Ripley’s believe it or not hot dog eating record. Unbelievable! Also I was hungry enough to be jealous of food 😂 I’m with you, let’s skip the gorge yourself competitions and go for the baby animal enclosure!

    Oh the beautiful sun, first a grey haze fills the sky, ever so slowly taking in all the darkened parts. Then a smudge of pink orange slowly grows until a bright golden sparkle reaches above the horizon. Bright white lines emanate from a ball so intense I have those I just looked at the sun spots in my eyes! Such a lovely thing. Now I can’t see anything 😂 😂

Viewing 15 posts - 241 through 255 (of 497 total)

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