Menu

Using their cancer as an excuse

HomeForumsEmotional MasteryUsing their cancer as an excuse

New Reply

This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 month ago.

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #332827

    Full_of_paradoxes
    Participant

    A friend who had cancer a few years ago (I didn’t know them then yet) uses this as an excuse to tear people down. If they’re  in an argument and do not have a proper or valid comeback, they throws this. They revels in the fact that no one their age (20s), at least no one around us, has experienced this and therefore, they can always shut the other person by being like: “I’ve had cancer. I win every argument.” (this is paraphrased). All I do is make sure that they are always comfortable and I try not to upset them and they takes advantage of that. I feel like I can never feel bad about anything because they’ve had it worse having to go through chemo. In genereal, I feel like they just wait for me to say something they can disagree with. They just always have the need to contradict me in some way and it stresses me out as I have to spend a lot of time with them(right now there is no avoiding this as I see them every day). Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this internally? They are pretty ready to get very defensive whenever someone criticizes them. Thank you in advance for your responses. Have a lovely day. 🙂

    #332867

    Mark
    Participant

    If someone wants to win an argument like that then for me I would not engage.  OK you win and so what?  If they contradict me then I would not even talk with them.

    You have not said how or why you need to talk to this friend(s).  You say you have to spend a lot of time with them but in what context?

    #332885

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jessica,

    The good news is the older everyone gets, it will become more and more likely that THIS will happen:

    Her: “Yada yada well I’ve had cancer, so…”

    Other Person: “Me too.”

    *stony azz silence on a profound level*

    Cheers,

    Inky

     

    #332893

    Full_of_paradoxes
    Participant

    Thank you for responding. 🙂

    With regards to why I can’t avoid them – I have to live with this person.

    #332943

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jessica:

    “Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with his internally?”-

    – no, I don’t see anyway to deal with a relationship distress internally, as in within you and without communicating effectively with your friend.

    As long as you are in a relationship with this person, especially living with the person, you have to come to an understanding and a better way to interact and get along, and such an understanding has to come by through communicating with the person, you talk, they listen, they talk, you listen, and so forth.

    anita

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.