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Rahel

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 66 total)
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  • September 4, 2014 at 3:54 am #64369
    Rahel
    Participant

    OK TR

    August 11, 2014 at 10:20 am #63104
    Rahel
    Participant

    it took me years to understand the problems….when ever i try something holds back and makes me upset from inside…

    apart from me no one can enter into my mind and do for me…apart from meditation any other help..pls
    i ll do it

    August 11, 2014 at 9:45 am #63097
    Rahel
    Participant

    Dear TR,

    I agree…
    But please listen to me for a second.. from the third page onwards i am trying to listen what u guys are telling.. becoz i am know u guys have been through similar or tougher situations…

    i just said to matt that apart from meditation i am doing the other suggestive tips given by u guys initially…

    and i asked matt why i feel awkward when my friends ring me up….
    several times i have mentioned, that there are people who are going through several situation that i am facing today….

    with prayer
    RA

    August 11, 2014 at 8:55 am #63092
    Rahel
    Participant

    ok TR,

    but i was not arguing with him…i dont know why he felt so….i am sincere in my replies and never showed off..y he became angry
    i am an imperfect being thats y seeking help…but yes i felt hurted why he said so….

    humility in the sense?

    August 11, 2014 at 8:30 am #63088
    Rahel
    Participant

    thanks TR,

    I didnt intend to be negative in my statements…neither i tried to argue…true that i have lot of questions and doubts..but i didnt argue….
    but after reading Matt’s sentence, i felt a sense of darkness around me. a sense of hopelessness..

    August 11, 2014 at 8:13 am #63084
    Rahel
    Participant

    o god…

    i am not arguing this is my family environment…. i cant meditate..there are house all around ..no parks..god its town..pls understand..

    u would have also gone through this state of mind and arguments….haven’t u?

    now at this moment, i feel that i ll be like this all my life

    August 11, 2014 at 7:13 am #63076
    Rahel
    Participant

    thanks Matt,

    My fears are based on my experiences with certain people, my cousin she indeed has always rejected me for not being fair.. At that time i was 8 years old and she was 24 years old. but now yes she has changed a lot.. i admit it and accept it..

    I am not making excuses for not doing meditation…see here houses are clustered and we dont have parks..its a village/town…we just have main roads and highway…
    apart from meditation i do try to listen more, smile more and try to understand.. i know that meditation will help a great ..but my environment is not supportive..

    When any of my friends try ringing me..i start feeling awkward/hesitation to attend and feel something upsetting… because i feel that they will cheat me or calling for their personal advantage.. all those people i loved used me, cheated me based on that..i feel uneasy or difficult to release the feel when phone rings..
    apart from meditation any other suggestions

    August 11, 2014 at 4:58 am #63064
    Rahel
    Participant

    thanks TR

    how to know whether mind wants to make conscious effort or just faking me..

    sometimes when i am depressed i want desperate change but sometimes happy in depression zone. hence confussed

    August 11, 2014 at 4:12 am #63062
    Rahel
    Participant

    No dear, not about being scary..

    i dont know how to explain or communicate, this is one other problem i face, poor communication..

    i know the problems underlying within me and also aware that its ME alone can only change it. But why the mind want to remain in that depressed situation.. I dont know whether the mind really wants to get out.. or its just faking me…

    i think that even though 3 decades went off but i still can make it. so that the rest of my life will be productive and can spread happiness to others,,,

    August 11, 2014 at 3:24 am #63056
    Rahel
    Participant

    Thanks TR…

    why i find things so hard, why i am unable to find myself and love myself…Why my innerself wants to remain in this situation. A situation of hoplessness, helplessness, hurt, gulit, seeking validation etc. but the sub-conscious mind wants to change. but how much strong is my desire to change myself… I know well that its me alone who can change myself and no one else can enter into my mind and do things for me.. except for god…why i seek validation.

    August 11, 2014 at 2:57 am #63054
    Rahel
    Participant

    Please do share your tips.. it would be useful for many over here.
    Thank you!

    August 11, 2014 at 2:51 am #63053
    Rahel
    Participant

    why i find things so hard, why i am unable to find myself and love myself…Why my innerself wants to remain in this situation. A situation of hoplessness, helplessness, hurt, gulit, seeking validation etc. but the sub-conscious mind wants to change. but how much strong is my desire to change myself… I know well that its me alone who can change myself and no one else can enter into my mind and do things for me.. except for god…why i seek validation.

    Sorry to Matt and TR that i am unable to do meditation at my home. the environment is so….

    August 11, 2014 at 2:05 am #63051
    Rahel
    Participant

    thanks TR

    But i always have a resistance towards everything may be its attending phone call, talking with people, going out even though i love all those.. and atlast i feel emotional, guilty,bad , resistance for not doing the things..

    I always expect people to give their attention to me.. i want them to ask why i am dull or force me to do this or that..

    I read a recent thread of Manoj Thankur.. i felt that his and problems are similar…..

    August 11, 2014 at 1:19 am #63047
    Rahel
    Participant

    Yesterday we had an engagement ceremony at a resort. My father and his brother were personally invited for the function.
    One of my cousins sister who is a high school teacher, was also invited by the bride’s mother..
    Hence my cousin sister ringed up and asked my mother if she would allow me to the ceremony as she had no acquaintance over there, so she needed my company.

    when my mother informed me about going to the function.. My memories went 18 years back.. this same cousin of mine used to dislike and avoid me stating that i am brownish and not fair like me. I got tensed what if she avoids me or leaves me alone in the ceremony. I became emotional and started crying. my mother got fed up..

    then i thought of giving a try. i got ready dressed up and went for the ceremony.. when i met my cousin i told her that even i dont have much acquaintance over here.. to my surprise she introduced me to all her colleagues.
    I was shocked that after two decades she has changed a lot, her life experience made her to change. Once she was a girl with attitude and headweight.. now she is simple..

    So many misunderstanding have been created in my mind in the passage of time. why i got tensed and scared when thought of going with her.

    August 5, 2014 at 5:19 am #62668
    Rahel
    Participant

    sorry jas

    U started asking me to be honest..whether i do the meditation or not ..
    I want to change myself but this is what is happening and i did say in the earlier threads regarding the limitation of doing doing meditation…
    I have seen ur replies to other threads, very simple and soft..
    i expect the same affection from u..

    this is what happens when i communicate with someone, they dont understand, get irritated and then leave me hopeless forever..

    anyhow whatever suggestion u have provided with i ll follow and thanks for directing me to BK Shivani, Jas

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