Hi Carolyn, I never post on this forum, but I felt compelled to respond to your post because I feel like I am in a very similar situation. I have a very close friend with whom I am having this kind of problem. All the same things–the person is very dear to me. I feel that when we are around each other I am compelled to drink. Not only this, but sometimes I feel that this person gives me advice that is not good for me. Instead of encouraging me to be my best moral self, even when my inclinations are not the best, this person supports me in my negativity instead of giving me the slap-in-the-face I need. BUT, I am a grown person, and I cannot blame this person for MY decisions, whether I choose to drink, etc.

As for a solution, you don’t necessarily have to flat out END the friendship. Because this person IS your friend! right? Well, before you do anything drastic at least, you could try just straight up communicating your feelings. Tell this person that you want to spend time together without getting intoxicated. You can refuse to drink or do drugs, even if your friend chooses to. Be strong!

Another thing is, maybe spend less time with the person. Get busy. Make yourself less available. If your friend wants to get together, tell them you have some things going on and can’t today…

My last thought is that maybe this person needs you. Maybe they need you to set the example for THEM to stop drinking and doing drugs. Maybe you are a step ahead, and instead of letting go of the friendship, it can be a way for both of you to grow.

But if it is really toxic and bringing you down, by all means, step back from it, and do let it go. These are just some thoughts. Hope they help.

Peace