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How can I be more confident in relationships?

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  • #79459
    Toshi
    Participant

    I don’t know how to put this exactly. So a few months ago my ex broke up with me. I’ve been going out there and just concentrating on myself. I’ve been doing quite well and I thank the people on this forum for their kind words and support.

    I recently hung out with my old friend and it was really awesome. I had plans but ended up just spending the entire day with her. Literally I was supposed to only get lunch with her but ended up just losing track of time. We were able to talk about so many things and it was tons of fun. I’m not good at reading girls but I can kind of feel that attraction is there. She is a good friend of mine and this would be the time when you would say she sounds good you should ask her out. However that isn’t possible since she currently has a boyfriend and I respect her and would not want to hurt her relationship in anyway.

    Anyway the point isn’t about what should I do about this girl, however it’s the feeling that arises in me. I’ve noticed it and it just comes out. It really pisses me off because I know I do it. When I like someone a lot, I fucking get scared. And when I fuck up or say something stupid I say a really pathetic sorry. And I just never feel like I’m good enough. I realized this when I realized I was attracted to my friend. And I knew I shouldn’t date anyone until I can fix this confidence of mine. I feel like it’s suffered a lot because of how many failed relationships I’ve been in. I can attract girls but trying to keep them in a relationship is difficult because I feel like I scare them with my I want to be a nice guy or whatever and I want this to stop.

    Should I just continue concentrating on myself or should I start practicing not apologizing as much? How can I slowly begin to deal with this? Please anyone help me, I’m sick and tired of being at mercy to my feelings. It rips me apart whenever I feel that feeling. It’s not like I’m unsuccessful or I have no hobbies or I’m uninteresting it’s just my confidence just drops when I’m in front of someone I like a lot. I really hate that about myself. So if anyone has the time, please just help me find a way to be stronger.

    #79512
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Toshi,

    Failure in relationships is not necessarily a reflection of you, rather it is two things – 1) the chance for you to grow 2) getting closer to finding what is really meant for you. It is okay to be kinda nervous, on the edge with someone we like. It happens to all of us. That is because we feel more conscious of ourselves in front of them and want them to reciprocate or atleast approve of us. Confidence is not some “stick-it” project that can be fixed in one go. This is life. We all go through the ups and downs until we get better at tackling ourselves. Consider this phase as just something that will pass. You arent doomed in any way. Are you really the same person you were 3 years ago? Will you necessarily be the same? When this feeling of low, nervousness overpowers you when you are in front of this person, ask yourself this “Do they really know all of me anyway? and secondly, what does it matter what they think? Life goes on”. Instead of ruminating too much on how bad this, how bad you are in this situation, sometimes we need to let it go and allow ourselves to expand. You are not broken though. Just going through the waves of life and it is okay to like someone, be scared of what they might think of you but dont let it stop you from seeking your happiness, finding love when possible. Instead of failures, look at these experiences as what they are – “experiences”. Believe me, when the time is right, things work out in a funny way in ways we never envisaged in the first place.

    Stay hopeful about yourself.

    Regards,
    Moon

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