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How to deal with a clingy friend

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  • This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • #128735
    Kitty
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    I’m hoping to get some help on an issue I have right now. I think I do already know the answer but it’s always good to get second opinions and different perspectives on a situation.

    Over the past couple of years I have gone from being in a pretty negative place to being the happiest I’ve ever been. Mainly because I’ve learned how to trust my gut instincts and keep myself in a positive frame of mind.

    However, over the past few months, I’ve noticed some behaviour in a friend that I find quite concerning. She has become very clingy, to the point where she’s almost trying to micro manage my life. There’s too many examples to mention but it’s things like her bombarding me with pointless messages and then questioning me on why I don’t respond straight away, and wanting to know where I am all the time. I know that I do need to speak to her about this situation and I don’t want it to be a confrontation but I have a feeling she will turn it into to a drama which I just don’t want to get into. We’re also going on holiday together soon which is another reason I’m cautious of bringing it up. She’s been trying to control everything about the holiday too, but I’ve subtly tried to push her back. Then something else happened recently which just set alarm bells ringing for me. A while ago she made a comment to me stating that me being single makes her feel better about herself. I thought it was a bit of an odd thing to say but I didn’t give it too much thought at the time. However, just recently a couple of guys have asked me out on dates and whilst I’m not looking for a relationship and I certainly don’t need one to be happy, I’m still open to meeting someone if it feels right. But it’s coming across like my friend is trying to stop it happening. She’s either criticizing these guys when she doesn’t even know them, or if I’m talking to a guy and she is also there, she makes every effort to steer me away from them or belittle me in front of them. Even other people are starting to notice it. It’s bringing me back to that comment she made to me and making me wonder if she doesn’t actually want me to meet anyone. I feel really bad even thinking that and I might be completely wrong but I’m not sure what else to think. I know that she isn’t happy in her own life and I have tried to help her but she always has an excuse for everything so I just leave her to get on with it. At the end of the day, I’m not responsible for her happiness.

    Like I said before, I don’t want to be having a confrontation with a friend and I don’t particularly want to end a friendship over something that seems very silly, but at the same time, I cannot have someone trying to control my life in this way. I want to continue my life on a very positive note but I’m just not sure on the best way to deal with this one.

    Thanks

    #128775
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear ktmac28:

    Your friend belittles you? You wrote: “she makes every effort to steer me away from them or belittle me in front of the.m” When a person belittles you, that person is not a friend.

    You wrote that you are somewhat open to a relationship with a man, if it feels right. If it feels right to you. Well, it feels wrong to her that you have a relationship. What do you do then, when she steers you away from a man who may be just right for you? On that holiday you are planning with her?

    anita

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