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Recent Break-Up, Moving Forward

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  • #131885
    Ali
    Participant

    Hello everyone,
    I am new to this site and would love to share an experience I am currently going through – maybe it will be a form of therapy. I broke up with my boyfriend this week – we have been together for a little over a year. The love was like a love I have never known before. I have learned that, we are never prepared for love. We never know when it’s coming and we never know how to deal with what will be planned. In my case, this was not a black and white relationship, it was extremely grey, extremely rocky. My partner was very distant from me after some time, very isolated, low, depressed, and silent. The silence is what killed me. I wanted to be supportive but how do you do that with no communication? When he pulled back, I tried harder. I didn’t allow for any space or distance, I kept trying to fill the silence. We aren’t prepared for anything. I left on Sunday. The past few days have knocked me on my feet but the only thing that gives me sanity is to think “wow, how nice it is to feel” has anyone felt like this before? You feel like something has been ripped out of you, completely knocks you down, but when you close your eyes and take a breath you know that you can feel, that you are alive. I am hoping and praying that this sense of clarity sticks with me. I am wondering if anyone has advice for this type of breakup – when there is still so much love from BOTH sides – just need space, distance, and time.
    Thanks for reading my post <3

    #131887
    Ali
    Participant

    l

    #131907
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear alip13:

    Emotional upheaval is like an earthquake in the brain, and when the dust settles, after the earthquake, there is clarity, for a while, anyway. Sudden changes do that, changes other than ending of a relationship. To maintain clarity takes an active part: learning all you can, seeing all you can, as a daily objective.

    If you would like to write more about what you learned from this relationship, please do.

    I was wondering, you wrote: “this was not a black and white relationship, it was extremely grey, extremely rocky.”

    If a grey relationship means extremely rocky, what is a “black relationship”? A “white relationship”?

    anita

    #131961
    Ali
    Participant

    Hi Anita,
    Thanks for writing. I just meant it wasn’t black and white as in the answer wasn’t easy for me- just as any relationship I’m sure. It wasn’t a different situation where I felt I had to stay to heal him, only to realize we can never heal someone if they have nothing to give. Today is day 3 and I feel okay today, I can breathe which is a start! Thanks for your insight

    #131965
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear alip13:

    You are welcome. In your original post you wrote that in the past, in this relationship, you “didn’t allow for any space or distance, I kept trying to fill the silence.” At the end of that post you wrote: “just need space, distance, and time.”-

    Excellent insight on your part- to realize that you do need space, distance and time.

    I am glad that you are feeling better day three, breathing better (more space created in you for air, isn’t it?).

    Post again, anytime.

    anita

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