He and I have been together for 4 years, two of which were long distance and very hard for an emotionally dependent person to overcome. Our relationship started with me being head over heels for him because I knew he was perfect. He has everything I wanted and everything I knew I deserved. He, though emotionally distant in the beginning, and even having broken up several times over the strain, eventually confessed his love for me, except he was certain that his traditional parents would not approve of our marriage. I told him, what will be, will be and as long as we would fight to be together- it’ll all be worth it. Four years since, he has supported me tremendously, both professionally and emotionally. Even through the long distance, he and my love for him to made me stronger. I felt myself overcome so many emotional constraints and depression tendencies of inadequacy. It wasn’t something he did practically, he just made me want to be better and better- and I am thankful for that. Fast forward to the beginning of this year, when he came back from his masters, his parents started hammering him to get married, which is when he told them about me. After a lot of drama and emotional blackmailing from his mother, his parents gave in and asked to meet my parents to work out details of the wedding. My parents very accommodating to the whims and wishes of his family, went there to set on a date. I told everyone that I was to get married soon, to the love of my life. Me and him discussed how living with his parents would be difficult and threatening to my liberalism. I was ready to sacrifice everything. I knew I could work around anything if I had him by my side.

Two days after my parent’s visit, his mother called me to ask me to let him go. Just like that, I was supposed to break up with him, because our families and astrologically, we were incompatible. The next three months were horrible, while He had to deal with continuous emotional blackmail from his mother to leave me, he started distancing himself from me. In moments of weakness, he would come back, only to go inside his shell again. I was hurting everyday, almost begging him to come back. He said he would try again once again, and that was the last time and then we would have to part ways if things didn’t work.

So he tried again when he went to see his parents over the holidays, and things didn’t work out. While on his way back from the home, he messaged me and said we were over. He said he had duties as a son, he had to fulfill to make them happy. He was willing to sacrifice his happiness for them, and that he was prepared for a life of meritocracy, just so that there would be peace in his family. He said I would have to give up on a lot of things for his parents, and he would not be able to bear the pain of me being unhappy when his parents treated me unwell because of their disapproval. He said his parents would never change and this was for the best. He said if it were only me and him, he would have been the happiest to be with me, but again he had his old parents to think about.

I reasoned with him, that he would have to spend his life with someone he didn’t love. I reasoned that even if I could move on, I would also live with this one regret. I reasoned he would have to stand up for anyone his parents found for him, would he not rather stand with me. I reasoned that he didn’t fight enough, and that it was a continuous battle. I begged him to reconsider his decision, which he admitted to be wrong, was to remain unchanged.

So, I let him go.

Its been a month, and I have been looking after myself and my heart. I faced my fears of living without him, which I see I can so clearly do. I did everything to move on, except in my heart I know I still want him and love him- even though I don’t really need him. I know he loves me still, he calls me, but I ignore him. On the one hand, I try to be positive that if he loves me truly he will come back, but on the other hand I’m afraid that if I wait, I’ll be hurt all over again.

I know I may find love again, I know this is temporary, I know I will be happy with whatever the universe offers, but I feel like I have no plan. I cannot endlessly wait for him, but letting go would mean, I gave up on something special. I don’t know if I should delete all our memories that cause me pain everyday, or hold on to them with the hopes that this is just a minor dent from which we will recover.

I’m putting this out in the universe because I’m tired of going over it in my head over and over again. I need some perspective and some advice.