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Time to let go… I think I'm ready

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  • #118831
    Ricky B
    Participant

    Hello everyone, this is my first and probably my last topic I write here.
    My name isn’t Ricky and english isn’t my main language, so I apologize beforehand for all the gramatical, semantic and orthographic issues this post may contain.

    Let’s say I’m Ricky for a moment. Ricky met Sally in a club in Valentine’s day, which happens to be Sally’s birthday as well. After a great night at the club we say goodbye (yeah, we kissed).
    That’s where all started? Kind of. Actually I avoided her messages almost 4 or 5 months, when I fight my shyness and tell her to grab lunch some of those day. That was the day that changed my life, everyday I talked with her, I saw her, the love for her grew stronger.
    She lives outtown, like saying she’s from New Jersey and I’m from Brooklyn, is not far, but ain’t close enough to return in the middle of the night. So she stayed at my place almost everytime we go out. I used to live with my mother at the moment and she was ok with that. Was the 2nd gf she ever met. My mother was good with my GF but my GF had this weird feeling that my mother didn’t liked her. I asume she is against the idea of a mother because she lost her few years ago and the feelings of a “normal” family upsets her a bit.
    Ok, I mentioned a dead mother. Let me go through Sally’s family very fast. I her house lives the Father and older sister. Then other two siblings living with their families. No mom, dead by terrible breast cancer. Humble family, they didn’t do well but they knew that work was everything.
    Sally was studying Surgical assistant and a year and a half was missing for her diploma. I was with her at every step of the way. I still remember her happy face when I gave her 2 very difficult to get books that actually where missing everywhere except in an small town about 4000 miles away, I found it and gave it to her. She was happy.
    In the hardest part of her life I was with her, the sister that lives in her house got extremely ill because a decease she has since born. She ended up getting a heart transplant, half the instestines removed and still wasn’t cured. Death walks by her everyday, when no one is expecting it may take her. Sally stood strong all the way, she always was strong but I knew she suffered a lot in the core.
    Returning to our relationship we had many many good times, vacations together, many dinners (we love food) and many goings to the movies.
    There was something I didn’t realize I was doing that may have put gasoline in the relationship. I’m shy, I tend to keep for myself many of my thoughts the good and the bad. On the other hand Sally always expressed her feelings, and me keeping all was devastating for her because then I’d come up with something from the past that i kept for myself. I know it’s my bad, my fault.
    She is very intense. When she wants she can gives her heart to it. To everything, to work, to school, to love…
    The thing is we broke up. Writing this I realised, it wasn’t my fault nor hers. The differences that made us think we were made for each other, at the end, created a void that love couldn’t fill.
    Whe we broke up, we both cried, we both said that we loved each other, we said goodbye.
    The real distance was killing me. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram… all of them showed me how happy I was with her and how much I missed her.
    Today I talked to her after a month without contact.
    I need to get her back. I can’t move on, I just can’t.
    I was very straight in the conversation. I asked “Do you miss me?”
    It didn’t matter what was the answer. If it was yes, I would be happy, I felt the same. If the answer was no, maybe was the harsh words I needed to get a closure and move on.
    She answered.
    I’m probably never going to forget her, Sally forged me, made me smile and cry. Isn’t that what’s worth to live for?
    I feel more alive than ever. I need to move on.

    Thank you for reading this, There’s a lot of things I can’t put in words that I’m feeling.
    I wanted a place to express myself.
    I will read your comments.

    #118838
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ricky:

    I read your post but I didn’t understand two things:

    1. Why did the two of you break up? What about you not sharing your thoughts and feelings cause such a problem that the two of you broke up?

    2. Did you already call her, asking if she missed you? Did she answer- and if so, what was her answer? What is the current status of the relationship with Sally?

    anita

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