Dear anita,
We discussed about that and he himself told me that other than a health issue several years ago he never really had any stress such as finamcial problems. And i wasn’ talking about minor daily nuissances. And i guess this is why he can’t imagine how hard it’s been for me and it’s upset because it affects him too indirectly.

Dear anita,

we comfort each other most of the time, but lately he couldn’t cope with my stress anymore. I didn’t complain much but the worries translated themselves into bitter behavior which I regret but I cannot always control it. And no, I never blamed him for anything that I’ve been through. Since I know him, he had no major distress except exams and I’ve always encouraged him.

Dear anita,

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Yes, he coped really well for all these months. In the beginning I was trying my best not to stress him out but as things became more stressful for me in the past months, the anxiety spiked out of control sometimes. What changed for him is that he got a new job and moved in a new place. I totally realize lately my anxiety just made all this relationship about me and I am trying to understand things from his perspective. I’ve read so many comments of people who were dumped because their partner couldn’t cope with their sadness. Depression makes people disregard the partner’s needs for comfort.

He knew right from the beginning that I am having a difficult time but it took me a long time to really open up with him about it. He was supportive all the time yet I sometimes blamed him for not understanding depression and anxiety because he would just say “just get over it”. That would only make more bitter. Our relationship has never been abusive, instead it’s the purest experience of my life. We never shout at each other, never attack each other verbally. So the most bitter behavior was me blaming him for understanding depression so superficially but I get it now that he cannot fully understand something he’s never experienced.

I was shocked yesterday when he suggested we should break up. But we discussed a lot since yesterday and we will proceed with our plans to move in together. I know it’s risky but I also know having someone as positive as him next to me can be a tremendous help in my journey towards a calmer self even if he doesn’t understand depression. He suggested I seek professional help but here in the UK it takes months to start CBT due to staff shortages and long waiting lists. However, I will give that a try. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. Now that the most stressful period of my life is coming to an end I have no excuses to be worried/anxious. Getting better is not only about not destroying a beautiful relationship, it is also about regaining control over my well-being.

Dear anita,

Thank you for the book suggestion. Last summer I tried the exercises proposed by Dale Carnegie in “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”. It’s an old book but it was efficient and I regret I stopped doing the recommended daily exercise which was basically what you mentioned in the second paragraph above.

I hope CBT worked out well for you :).