Hello Samantha,

I am having a hard time believing, that who I have discovered him to be, is actually him.

Is my intuition’s perception of him just my way of holding on?

I want to help you (or at least give some advice/ suggestions). I have known people before who appear as one thing and then time reveals another face. I think in your instance, it’s a complex dilemma. Firstly, you may need to consider that you never knew him. And this is hard, hence part of the reason you are fighting. It is not your perception or intuition this time around. You simply believed and had faith in this person. When we have faith in someone, we have in essence judged them and deemed them ‘worthy’ of being in our lives. Everyone does this, some people are more open others more closed to the potentials that can be allowed to enter their lives. Case in point, you made a judgement and it has been betrayed. Everything from this point, comes into question. You begin to question if you didn’t know the person, who was he to begin with? If you knew him, then what’s changed for him to show another face? I believe you are correct, that you are holding onto the fragments of his personality and traits. And why not, it makes sense, something you have invested time, space and affection towards has turned out differently than expected.

You also are connected to this person. You identify with him, not as a stranger, but as someone within your life (no small feat). Because you have connected with him (in whatever way), you may have vouched for him, called him friend even. He was a part of your life and now that new information has come to light, you might question who you are? Who am I to him? Because identity goes two ways. Without you, who would he be to you? and vice versa. I also think this is why your internally fighting, you are trying to hold onto who you were to him before everything came to light.

However, why has it played out this way? Why did you not see the ‘real’ version? The next question becomes why? Why hide your true nature unless you are ashamed of it? I think you have accepted that you don’t know this man, but are seeking to understand why you didn’t in the first place or why some aspects have been hidden. It will be difficult to be objective in this position, i can understand that. Everything becomes tainted, even if it never was. Being lied to hurts, but it hurts more if there is no reason to do so in the first place. Is it possible to speak candidly to this person? Or at least to speak to others who are close to him, who can impart wisdom and history to you about him?

I believe, just as I have before, that he is lost, but has a truly good heart.

Then you still have faith in him, as such he is quite a lucky person to have someone like you in his life. The only other thing you could do, is to move forward. Discount the past, as best you can, and try to understand this new person, if you want to of course.

I hope this has helped you somehow. Please feel free to comment and post again. If i’m completely off the mark, please tell me.
Sincerely,
Matty