Dear Ravi:

We are all emotional beings first. In my anger about my own departure from reality with my own walking-into-the-sunset image, I wrote that there is no better Ravi as a result of this relationship. Afterwards, after I sent my message, I doubted this point and thought to myself (before reading your post above): there may very well be a better Ravi, a more loving Ravi. Perhaps her love and kindness for you did make a change in you. I believe, I know as I write this now, being calmer, that indeed she made a change in you. I have no doubt that you know more, you know more about what love is. No doubt.

What I still believe regarding Ravi not being a better Ravi, is that you have not become a stronger Ravi, a more confident person than you were before, not an independent Ravi. You did not become more assertive than you were before that relationship. So no better Ravi as far as assertiveness, confidence, strength and independent.

And so I remain true to my own assertion, and that is, that at this pint- at his point, the way reality is now- that is indeed an obsession and therefore a sickness. The reason I refer to it as a sickness is that it only distresses you and it hasn’t motivated you to develop assertiveness, confidence, strength and independence. It is keeling you STUCK. See the difference? At the present, this preoccupation (aka obsession aka sickness), is keeping you stuck, not moving forward. It interferes with your studies when little time is left before your exam.

Since this exam or exams in May are so important to you, in your own mind, and this preoccupation is taking away from your time and resources to study- how can it be anything but a sickness?

I agree with you then, agree with your last paragraph: “It had become that (obsession or sickness), during the past few months.”

I support your efforts to be calm and move ahead (with becoming assertive, confidence, strong and independent). Please do post here anytime. With our common goal in mind, as stated in the very sentence before this one.

anita