Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and clarifications on what I’m going through all these 39 years.. I NEVER HAD THE COURAGE TO LIVE THE LIFE I WANTED FEARING REJECTION OR DISAPPROVAL OR NOT GETTING WHAT I WANT, BY SAYING NO. I was bought up as exactly as you said… If I say Yes, I will be getting what I wanted to have…either materialistic or mental health benefits from everyone in my life… as I see it.. and that’s the way, life has been….even with my daughter… My dad gives me everything, even today, only, if I say yes to whatever he wants me to do…If, I say no and do something out of my own gut feelings and if something goes wrong..he is always available to point out at me, ” I told you so” and to discourage me saying..” You should’ve done it my way”… “I came to this world first.. before you and I know it better than you”. This is the exact words, he would use…so, unknowingly or unconsciously, I became a person, who would always want someone to verify my own thoughts and actions and tell me or guide or approve me saying, I”m doing the right thing and it would not cause any harm as a consequence…

Again, I have so much going on in my life, that I’m almost on the brink of isolating myself from everyone and get into my own thoughts and living in solace, fearing not to lose anything which is mine and which I feel, I deserve, because of everything I have done to everyone on the positive side,(there are cases, where as a son, brother, friend, lover, husband, soulmate and father) I have done and given so much of myself to an extent of even mentally, and physically to many people in my life’s journey…. But at the end of the day, I don’t get what I deserve.. or is it only me feeling that I didn’t get what I deserved and the other person, whom I’m dealing with thinks, that, this is the best I can do to you for what, you have done to me…I’m really confused on how I should interact with people even on a day to day basis, so that I don’t isolate anyone…

I was reading from one of the posts in this forum by somebody and found out the definition of who I have been all along: PEOPLE PLEASER….. Yes, I would do anything.. Just anything to see others smile and be happy, even if it takes I have to let go of myself and not be as who I truly am and want to be(both on the positive and not so positive sides of me)….

I will be sharing more and more.. Hope, no one find’s it annoying to read such big posts…

Thank you so much Anita for being very kind hearted, passionate and very helpful and helping me with clear thoughts…