Thank you so much for the reply Anita, I really appreciate that.

The first improvement is, I’m not on my meds anymore, I started meditation. I learned how to hold the pain now. I’m not that afraid at work, doing well, made some friends at work, improved my relationship with my parents. However, I don’t have any intimate relationship – I’m only involved with my therapist. I am so glad that you said it’s natural to create this attachment, however, whenever I bring to his attention that I have strong feelings, he doesn’t say it’s ok, he just listens. As a result, i feel even worse.

He inspired me to be a better person but going to his office, every week, my hands sweat and it’s a huge process for me – I do know that therapy can be difficult but is it this difficult? He brings up an intense desire in me to be in a loving relationship..and by meditation I realized that I need lot of self compassion – I try to love myself unconditionally but it’s difficult.

I think i’m very afraid that i will be lost without him..