Anita,
That really resonates with me because I often think about my childhood and how if affected me. My mom, aside from never saying she loved me, was and still is very critical. Growing up I remember never having the right body type for her, my grades never being good enough, embarrassment to discuss me with my relatives or her friends. She would always make fun of me for being introverted. Anytime we went somewhere I would get the third degree about how I’m an embarrassment. As I got older it was more pressure to diet, get into college, and constant supervision and not trusting me. I decided to lash out a bit when I left home and became a drinker, my grades suffered and my relationships were unhealthy. I tried to turn to my mom for help when I wanted to drop a class because I was dating a guy who had tried to choke me. She said that unless I had brain damage I had no reason to drop the class. I thought that was one of the coldest things she had done.
Since being out of school we have an okay relationship, she can be quite fun to spend time with but I debated cutting her off from time to time. She would act normal on each visit we had, then bombard me with criticisms after she would return home. She would yell at me to break up with whomever I was dating because they were not good enough, tell me I looked fat, my skin looked bad, my job was horrible even though it wasnt, tell me I’m pathetic for still living in apartments and using college furniture. This doesn’t even touch the tip of the iceberg.

My dad was more mild mannered most of the time, but would have moments where he would snap out of nowhere. One time I came home from school for winter break with a lot of junk in the back of my car because I was coming for a month. During the middle of the night he threw it all onto the driveway and told me I needed help for being a hoarder. I always longed for an outgoing dad like my coaches or friend’s dads. Now he is always going out of his way to text and email me and be nice. It feels very strange to act like nothing happened at all while growing up.
I know this is a bit of a rant! I read the article here about how to stop blaming parents and I want to let go of some of these issues. I feel some guilt because I had a good life as a child and never had to struggle, and obviously I did break the rules once in a while like staying out late. But it still obviously really hurts and I feel like I wouldn’t have these issues now if I didn’t have this experience.

Thank you,
Gigi