Anita,

Thanks for you response! I have been working on my forgiveness of those I have felt wronged me so that I can release myself from being the victim. I forgave my ex-boyfriend 2 years ago, because I felt that the reason he hurt me was because he was hurting so much himself. He ended up in a psychiatric ward, so I learned later that there was much more affecting him, and I felt that he wasn’t in a rational mind when he hurt me. I didn’t forget his actions, but I did forgive him.

When it comes to the friends, the only place I see them is sometimes on facebook (through mutual friends). When I see pictures of them, I get so angry and just want them to suffer like they made me suffer. After they kicked me out of the group, I found other friends and tried to get over it. But the group of ex-friends was large and prominent in our college culture. If we ran into each other on campus (which was very small), they would say nasty things to me, wouldn’t come near me, and some even tried to fight me. A few nights after the whole “wall” incident, one even camped outside my ex’s door with a bat to defend him in case I came to talk. It was truly ridiculous and I know that, but it didn’t make it any easier for me. It didn’t matter how much I tried to get away from it, we always crossed paths.

I could understand a bit that they thought my ex was hurt more and that they would try to support him. But I don’t understand why they treated me the way that they did. Why they continued to be nasty to me even after my ex left the school. With others I have forgiven, I could rationalize their motives and that helped. With this group of people, I keep trying to tell myself that it made me stronger, and pushed me to find better friends and boyfriends in my life. But every time I think about it, it still makes me so angry.