Do you mind me asking Camilla – when you were in your relationship did you feel like you changed as well – but not for the better.

I can not by myself figure out if I have been hurt or not. For so long I have tried to mould myself in to a shape that fits around him.

I sometimes think he has narcisssistic traits. He rarely find things I say interesting and prefer talking about himself (Maybe every human does), the smallest thing from vacuum cleaning can sound like the biggest achievment when he has done it (I did it every day and he once a year.), many times he directed something positive that happened for me to him, always defending himself and making it out that I was the one that was wrong, sensitive or crazy.

The thing is that on the other hand he have all these qualities he also was sad when I left him. Not at first – he was stone cold and then sad but he kept fluctuating between the two. As i was far from him he seemed to loose physical control over me which must have been hard for him.

I think the worst thing is when you come to a point you can no longer understand when someone is treating you with no respect – I can honestly say that I don’t know.

He always speak so kindly about others. I just came off the phone to him and we spoke for an hour and he asked me one question during the whole time. Everyone else adores him so it makes me wonder if I am the one that is needy and want to much attention.