Dear Ziad:

I copied some of your post from yesterday and printed it for myself just now. For the post here, I want to comment in parenthesis on some of your writing (the text I didn’t copy, the “…” – it doesn’t mean it is not important, only that I have enough as is to comment on):

“…Yes there is much freedom, not feeling shame, and there is more freedom when you feel that you do not have to cover-up any more, not having any thing to lose, by making my self known” (I remember at the time reading “The Shame that Binds You” By John Bradshaw. Maye he was the Brene Brown of my generation… not that I read her writing, but I know much of it is about Shame. There is much freedom in letting go of chronic shame. There is no need for it, it is really a crime against the self. Do make yourself known as you are. You will continue to get my respect for doing so).

“… you just give him (a child) his freedom, when he wants to come to you, you let him and when he wants to go away you let him, and you notice and acknowledge them, you do not suffocate them.” (This is still the way you want to be treated, isn’t it? Your freedom approved of, encouraged and respected, being okay with you moving closer and farther as you need to, as all people naturally need to)

“…I just wish he (a child who pretends he is you) would not be me! I sometimes wonder why children would love a person like me, so damaged inside, may be they feel it, may be they see the strength of someone and how much he had suffered” (You wish other children will not experience the pain you have and still have, but there is nothing wrong with you, Ziad. There is nothing wrong with you)

“I can say i have some knowledge in reading other persons from their eyes, your eye can never lie, when you are happy it shows, when you are sad it shows, when you are lying it shows. I have read about it a lot too!” (You greatly need to be honest, visible, acknowledged, seen as is, being known as you are, injuries and all and you have the need for other people you interact with to be the same, visible, known-to-you, children and adults. Choose who you interact with for these traits, this way of being).

“…I know how much the effort needed, to change someone… you just have to differentiate between the ones who are totally blind, and do not waste your effort with them, and the ones who are struggling and need some one to show them the path to light, it is to bright for them to step out, and need someone to hold their hands when they have to close their eyes.” (You got it, right here. If people struggle, if they already feel discomfort, then there is hope for change. If people feel comfortable with being abusive… or abused, or both, no hope for change. Can’t ..argue with comfortable).

“and i know someone who just did this with me….( I printed this section but deleted it here…)

“I will keep posting on this thread, I wish i just someday could do more than this, to write my story with my full name on it, and with my best picture above it…I wish i could share my story someday, there are much to learn from…I really sometimes wonder why people would love to share there time with someone like me, but i guess they see in me something that i couldn’t have ever seen, even in the mirror.” (I will be reading your story, that is for sure!)

Keep making yourself known, Ziad, at any time you wish, however you are feeling (sometimes it is not as thrilling as other times, to make yourself known that is)-

anita