humour,

If it’s just a general concern, then I’m not sure I’m the best person to offer advice on dealing with obsessive thoughts and fears – I too suffer from this condition. I have a feeling you’re going to get much more helpful advice from Anita, but I did want to comment on your response – and thank you for responding.

I realize, as do you, as do we all, that eventually your parents are going to die. We all do. The reason I asked the questions I did was to ascertain how real your fears are.

From my own experience, I sometimes find myself playing a fear over and over in my head, and I’m so consumed with worry about HOW I’ll deal with it I don’t stop to logically look at whether or not it is unfounded or based in some reality.

I used to have a terrible fear of what would happen if I drove off the road into a lake with both of my kids in the back seat. How would I get them both unbuckled from their car seats and escape the car before we all drowned? I would have dreams along those lines. I would wake in distress and the dream would stay with me for days.

When I told my husband, he asked, “So, how many lakes do you drive past in an average day?” His question stopped me cold. NONE. So why on earth was this fear so all-consuming when it was ridiculously implausible? I came to realize it represented something else, maybe feeling overwhelmed or not in control of my life. Who knows, but as soon as I applied a little logic, it was a lot easier to push it away when it surfaced.

That is to say, I was more easily able to banish the obsessive thoughts from my head. That didn’t change the fact I was still completely overwhelmed and as a result, that issue just ended up resurfacing in some other form later.

If your fear of losing your parents is just that, genuine fear of being without them, then it is not such an unfounded fear. It will eventually happen and there isn’t much you can do about it except to live every day between now and then. None of us can know what tomorrow will bring. I lost my father when I was 23 and he was 59. It was sudden and came much sooner in life than I ever expected it would. If I’d had time to worry about it in advance, I don’t know if it would have changed anything. There was nothing I could have done to stop it. It was his time.

So, I guess I’d begin by looking hard at the reason behind your fears, applying a couple logic “litmus tests” and see if you can determine what is driving them to reoccur for you. That may help you find the key to master them. Hugs to you. ☺