Dear khushboo-a:

I believe I understand your situation. In your original post you wrote: ” I have no real emotional connection with anybody, not even my parents. I barely speak to them.” No wonder you have no real emotional connection with your parents: they are the ones who were closed off to you as a child. You were the one attempting to connect with them again and again and they cut off those connections with a pair of scissors, figuratively, every time. So you grew up alone and went out into the world without the experience of connecting and being connected to anyone.

You grew up alone, unprotected and unattended. No child can grow up unprotected and unattended to day after day, year after year with no consequence. These childhood years are called our formative years because our brains are being formed then, millions of connections made or not made. So some connections not made are between people and comfort, people and protection, people and empathy. And so consequence is lonely life. Because we are genetically social animals, when we have no connections with the outside, or not even one connection that is adequate, we also lack that connection within: personal motivation, a sense of confidence, a knowing of what is going on and why.

Is it possible for you to attend good psychotherapy? It may be necessary for you to form your first adequate connection with a competent, caring psychotherapist. To experience there the nature of connection: someone to listen to you, really listen, give you accurate feedback to your feelings, SEE you for one thing, really see you?

anita