Dear asia 288,

My heart goes out to you as I know only too well just what you are experiencing. I have a toxic mother and I have let her control my entire life even though I finally cut contact with her 6 years ago.

Anita is right when she says that your parents will not hear you, anything that you have to say, what you feel is wrong in their treatment of you is irrelevant to them. You are not important to them other than what you can do for them.

My own experiences keep coming alive to haunt me virtually on a daily basis and today something has really hit home, I need to forgive my mother so I can start living my own life. When you can visualise (and I know you do) what your parents have gone through in their own lives, and see their own suffering it will help you understand the pain in their own lives. There is only one way for you to go and that is to find it in your heart to forgive them. That does not mean accepting they were right because their behaviour was horrible but they will forever remain exactly where they are in this life but you can go forwards and live a happy life.

Do not live each day thinking of yourself as inferior to anyone else, believe me you are special as you will not continue this cycle of abuse when the times comes to have your own children. Anyone who can break the cycle of abuse they were born into have a higher spiritual gift and once they overcome the negative self-loathing that was created in them they are unstoppable.

So please forget all the negative feelings you have of yourself, really work hard on forgiving them and setting yourself free of their burdens and creating your own wonderful life.

You asked if therapy would help and in my own experience, given the right therapist that you feel you can trust, it is a fantastic help.

I would also recommend reading “The Road Less Travelled” by M Scott Peck it gave me the insight to forgive my brother who also treated me badly. Today is the day when I shall be praying to find the forgiveness I need to let me escape from the clutches of my mother.

Wishing you a beautiful and happy life.