Hello,

What you described is a very common situation when 2 different generations live under same roof. A good friend of mine lived with her (sick) mum and dad till she got married and moved in another country (she was 31). They were really close and lovely family, best friends, as you described… But very often a frustration would build up and they used to go through meaningless arguments.

I know that the best thing to do is to get some distance and boundaries, but I also know how complicated is that when you live in a traditional society ( cause I did, too). You just don’t wanna deal with the resentment of every single soul you have ever known, explain yourself, go through such drama… it’s harder to break free.

I can not give you a simple solution, but I remember my friend got really more positive about life when she found the man she married afterwards. Do you have special someone in your life? It helps when you have a date that you are looking forward to, something that gives your day a meaning… Or find something you’d enjoy doing, that will shift the focus from the tiny apartment filled with negativity. If you have big expectations, pressure, combined with the criticism that you get, trust me, it would be weird if you don’t get depressed. Find an outlet, a reason to smile.

Also, parents, as they grow old and get sick, they become like little scared kids sometimes. They often (like to) depend on their children, they are scared. They’d hang on to you as long as you let them.. Have you wondered for how much longer will this situation last? Cause both you and your mum must know deep inside that the day will come when you’d suppose to take care of your own children, you won’t be there all the time. Getting her a psychologist, or any other 3rd party assistance if possible (gradually), might be more beneficial for both of you. I am not sure what her illness is, but I understand if it makes her irritable. Maybe she needs medication for her anxiety, support group, alternative approach that will benefit her mental health.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself the way you take care of your family. I know you are doing your best, but it is the parents’ duty to take care of the child. The child grows up and takes care of it’s own child, etc… That’s the way life goes. Not the other way around. My mum tries to guilt me up with the phrase ‘I raised you alone’ her whole life. But we are not ‘investment’ … never forget that 🙂