Dear fmck32:

I am glad you posted and I sure hope you don’t regret that you did.

As to your last question: “why did he feel the need to do it so continuously up to this point? Why did he treat me with so much contempt before?”

I believe the answer is likely to be something like this: because before he was repeatedly angry at you and has expressed his anger with those mini-attacks as I call them, attacks of criticism (as opposed to, let’s say, a physical beating). Currently he is not angry at you, therefore he is not attacking you.

When people are angry, just like other mammals, they are motivated to fight- this is what anger is about, a motivation to fight, to inflict harm on another. And so he did.

It was not your fault, your doing and none of your responsibility. It is his anger, circulating in his brain from long before you met him, long before. It is taking a break now. It is only a break. It will be back.

In comparison to your first husband he seemed like a dream. In comparison to his behavior when drunk, his sober behavior seemed lovely, before now, that is. All we know is our personal experiences so that is all we compare new experiences to.

There are behaviors out there that in comparison to what you know will please you to no end, fill you with awe, as in: I had no idea a man can be so decent and loving, angry at times but never abusive…

Hope you post again here.

anita