Der XenopusTex:

You hit the nail on the head (fitting expression here, for me) when you wrote: “Just wish there was some certainty with this.”-

It is difficult to operate in the dark, not knowing what’s going on, what’s going to happen- which is how a lot of interactions and relationships do operate; the two people bump into each other in the dark, figuratively speaking.

The whole concept of Emotional Intelligence is gaining sight into the darkness, seeing what is happening, so you are not bumping into people in the dark. For example, when that woman physically presented herself to you in an attractive way, when you are in the dark, so to speak, you jump to the conclusion: she is interested in my as a boyfriend. When you are in the light, that is emotionally-intelligent, you say to yourself: it is possible she is interested in me as a boyfriend, but maybe not. I need to gather evidence. Let me observe how she presents herself to other people (evidence). Later, maybe, you can gather more evidence at lunch with her and ask her questions (not as a prosecutor, but gentle questions, asked differently so to maximize your chances of getting honest answers, and then there is the listening, evaluating the answers or lack of answers).

So Emotional Intelligence is about gaining more certainty in personal relationships by gathering evidence, observing, asking… just like a prosecutor only not with a hammer, not in a harsh, hard nosed way, but in a way that will get results in the context of personal relationships.

anita