Thank you, I think I get what you’re saying but I’ve tried so many times to let go of the hope that we’ll ever get back together and it just keeps finding its way back in. I planned on moving near her basically for us and for school and I don’t really think I want to go because I will try to see her and I’m scared it won’t end the way I’d like it to. I want to get over or through this but for some reason, I don’t want to give up on her like as a friend but I can’t have a friend that doesn’t want to be there for me. I still feel like something is missing, someone stole something from me like I’ve been sad for so many years and one person comes in and gives me this hope and now its gone. I don’t really know how to let the feelings go either, I just know that every now and then I don’t feel like being anymore, like its really hard to get through any of this and then even when I try to let go the thoughts, the feelings, they just all keep coming back. I can accept the reality of it but It just doesn’t really seem like theres a point to me trying to have a relationship with anyone if every time I’m getting left behind or my heart broken, and it doesn’t seem fair that I never have an answer.

I keep hearing how the universe does these things for a reason and how it has my best interest at heart but I don’t really understand why, why me? Honestly I feel like this benevolent big universe guy is playing with me, just throwing me around and doing whatever it wants to hurt me but I don’t see how it ever works in my benefit. I’ve felt the same for a long time now but where does it end? I look around and my friends are all in these long committed relationships with people they love and that give them love back, they all have decent lives where they work and go to school and I don’t have anything but family that can’t even be in the same room together without a fight. I don’t have anything really but me and nothing I can do or have dones has ever showed anyone that I matter or could for that matter, I don’t even think I matter to me anymore honestly.