Oh well, what is the line: the road to hell is paved with good intentions? Or, as one of the character classes in Warhammer 40K states: Hope is the first step in the road to disappointment.

Not sure it really matters. I had unexpected projects pop up, so basically living at the office anyway. Wonder what would happen if I said that I was too stressed to handle other people’s crap who claim to be too stressed? Perhaps she was right, my schedule doesn’t really allow for much of anything. Court scheduled a trial of mine for a habitual offender during a period of time later out that I was supposed to be gone. Sometimes being the always reliable one sucks. Sometimes being the one who doesn’t complain about workload sucks.

It is not like I meet a ton of people, so not sure where to go from here on the relationship front. I am not sure I even trust my analysis of potential SO’s. Almost all of my interactions with women seem to be with dysfunctional folks. In many ways, feel like I got my stuff somewhat straightened out way too late.

You asked if it has to be like this, well not sure. As I noted before, even her boss hinted suggestions. People will always think that there is something better out there. And, who knows, maybe there is: the question is, how long are you willing to wait, and is it really better?

All I know is that I am tired of being jerked around. As much as it hurts to say it (embarrassing to cry as a tough-as-nails prosecutor, even if only in the office solo), I just can’t take the wants to talk to me one day, acts like I don’t exist the next cycle (didn’t even look at me). Will have to start making sure that I am unavailable the next time she wants to talk, or the next time she wants advice on plants, etc. I don’t know what else to do. She has made her choice, and while I don’t understand it, I am not going to be part of the games anymore. While I mourn the loss of what could have been, and truly feel sadness about what appears to be her broken condition, I can’t take the yo-yo’ing. I gave her time, she could have chosen a life-long partnership, she chose to go with nothing.

Still angry myself for silly thought that this could have worked.