In many respects, kind of the same pattern, provided her with a benefit and then after she received the benefit, I might as well not exist. Wish it was easier to unwind the emotional connection.

Perhaps I should have taken the comment to a coworker more seriously that she just doesn’t like people anymore. I don’t rightly know. Perhaps I should have picked up on some of her prior relationship partners, but did not have that info until after the fact. Though, I do remember seeing her with a tatted up guy several months ago, but never thought too much of it at the time. Now I wonder, especially after having seen two of her former boyfriends come through the criminal system. Perhaps she just can’t function with stability and some semblance of normalcy. I just wish I was better able to stop thinking about the mess and concentrate on other things.

As for me, I am at a bit of a loss. Amusingly, had two women strike up conversations with me, but at least one of them is ~18 years younger than I am, the other is ~13 years younger by my estimation. I know both of them, but thought that it was weird for one to sit down at the table I was at and start a conversation.

Again, find myself in the position I have been for the last ~8 years. Being the lonely reliable one, at the office keeping things going behind the scenes. Had next week’s schedule change twice, and lost several hours of preparation on a case. Perhaps she was right, I just don’t have time for a relationship. Well on my way to another 60-70 hour work week, and we’re supposed to pick up a few things for people who are too stressed with their workload. Funny, I never see them after hours really late. Heck, sometimes they don’t even make full work weeks.

Not really sure where to go from here relationship wise. I have come to realize that education and intellect don’t always equal good decisions in relationships.

Not sure how to present my softer/kinder side without seeming silly. Slow, compassionless, remorseless and step-by-step demolition of the opposition I am good with. Expressing care and softer feelings, not so much. Of course, I deal with enough psychopaths and other unsavory people to realize that everybody tries to show that they “care.” When I have attempted to show my softer side, had generally resulted in getting taken advantage of. What’s the line, no good deed goes unpunished?

Ironically, didn’t date in college/grad school and early in career because I felt I didn’t have the resources to do so. Now, I have the resources and no time and not many options to choose from.

As far as family goes, not sure what to do. I am almost tempted to simply move myself. Probably the only way I will get separation.

Rather depressed about the whole thing, but mostly just tired of what Thoreau (think I have the right one) would call a life of quiet desperation.