Dear naturelover07:

What lead me to introduce the Unit perspective is what you wrote in your original post: ” My mom did her best but was completely emotionally unavailable.” There is a contradiction here: how could your mother do her best if she had no empathy for you (“completely emotionally unavailable”)?

And then you added: “She was pretty mean actually.” Mean is cruel, abusive, intending to harm… her own daughter, or uncaring to seeing that she is hurting her own daughter. This is farther than …doing her best.

“Looking back I think it was how stressed out she was so I felt really bad for her.” – here is the thing: YOU are the one feeling empathy for her, not the other way around.

Like you, I was stuck as well in people pleasing and I too pushed people away if I sensed rejection, real or imagined. And I too pretended to be happy. I made ALOT of mistakes as well in my twenties looking for connections with people but in very unhealthy ways. This built up my shame/guard even more, in me as well. So as to your question, can anybody relate? Yes, I can.

Regarding your current relationship, you wrote that he is currently a good boyfriend but you are no longer in love with him. You want to leave him but you feel guilty. If you’d like to write more about this, please do. This thread can continue.

anita