Dear Ravi:

Jerry is 20, 21? And her sister 15? Basically you are dealing with an add and divide…17/ 18 year old combined-Jerry? A combined-Jerry who is living with her parents in a very traditional culture where an adult daughter will live with her parents until marriage (and then still live with parents, hers or his).

This is a tough situation, Ravi- dealing with a (added and divided) 18 year old girl living with her parents.

I thought about this last night, about the last post I wrote to you and I think that what was cannot be brought back. And this morning I read your words, expressing similar view: ” I don’t know if what was can even be back now. The March incident is a point of no return.”

I do think that what-was cannot be brought back. It is gone now.

About your goal for the future regarding Jerry, you wrote: “I just wish she understands that her present views about me are wrong, and so is her decision to sever ties. I wish we’re back on talking terms at least”- so this is your goal. To accomplish the first part, to influence her views about you, you can only email her/ send her a typed message. What else can you do (can’t meet her in person/ call her). You can put together a straightforward message to her explaining to her your motivation, thoughts and feelings. In that message, don’t refer to her sister’s accusations, that will only get you… angry and lose focus.

And in that message you can suggest a communication you wish to have with her, knowing it can’t (and shouldn’t) be the same as it was.

I think that sending her the “overlong message addressing her sometime back, more to vent out my pain than anything else.” is not a good idea. And sending her an “if I ever meant anything at all to you, then reply and try to understand what I’m saying” message” is also not a good idea.

I think that a better choice would be to send her a short message (one page at the most), not venting your pain and not manipulative (“if I ever meant anything..” is manipulative), but honest, direct, straightforward, not infused with your hurt and anger. If you want to put one together and send it to me for feedback, please do and I will give you my feedback, so to help you come up with a message that is honest, true and which will give you a better chance for a positive reply.

anita