Michael, Stephen, Anita, Barbara, T. Marie, Miniature Bodhisattva, Nan, Anna, 365daysofkindness, and XenopusTex- I have to acknowledge all of your responses. They were thoughtful and helped me feel some relief through your reassuring words.

Anita: You told me to relax into the thought of being single and possibly never marrying or having kids. Certainly, this outcome IS a possibility and so is getting hit by a bus crossing the street (but oddly I’m not at all worried about that). So, why should I worry? I shouldn’t. I should do as you suggested and learn to relax. Do it every day, one day at a time. It feel difficult to shift my focus, but I think it’s important that I do this.

Anna: I just looked up the Law of Attachment. The concept is fascinating and something I’ll have to read more about. And you’re correct… the number of dates does show that I’m frantic. I’ve actually been on a date while simultaneously running in to one of the past guys I’ve been on a date with (this is an indicator of how high that number is going).

What am I trying to get out of these dates? I (desperately) want a companion. I want someone to like me as much as I like them. My close friends are married, in long-term relationships, and living with their significant others. I feel like I’m constantly asking them, “Will you check out this event with me? Will you try this restaurant with me?” They’re always busy and they live their own lives with their partners. I want the same. I want someone who I can ask, “Will you try this restaurant with me?” and they won’t have to say, “Let me check with [significant other] to see if we have plans that day.”

I’ve tried dinner for one. It’s not as enjoyable as dinner for two. But, I guess that’s part of life. There could be worse things.