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Reply To: Depressed due to guilt and fear

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#110808
ravi_zimmerfan
Participant

To be specific, here’s the conversation I had with her and her sister (condensed version):

Sister – Hey… my sister has a message for you. She does not want to continue this bond anymore as it’s not brotherly.
Me – Please tell her I’m ready to do keep it a bro-sis bond only if that’s all acceptable to her.
Sister – But how can she trust you to keep your word and keep it a brotherly bond only from now on? It’s easier said than done.
Me – I’m willing to do anything to preserve our bond.
Sister – To the extent of having the chutzpah to call her sis again? You’ll sink so low?
Me – You don’t understand. I never meant any harm, she just means a lot to me.
Sister – We did not expect this from you. My sister trusted you, she genuinely felt you cared for her as a sister! Do you have any idea how much your deeds affected her?
Me – I never meant anything wrong! Just because I had some feelings, doesn’t mean I stopped caring for her. Is even having feelings bad?
Sister – YES! It is WRONG! It is BAD! Not expected! We did not expect you to transform from a humble and caring brother into a bloodthirsty monster. No good person in the Indian culture ever behaves like this, romantically loving a girl after calling her his sister. I know now that the Internet is a dangerous place due to monsters like you who wear masks and deceive innocent girls and exploit them. The other girls who call you brother need to beware, because you can change your feelings and start lusting for them anytime.
Me – Just because I gave one person a special place in my heart, doesn’t mean I’ll do it for everybody else. Because I know I truly shared a special bond with her.
Sister – I don’t know what your bond was. But seeing the present situation and seeing how hurt she is, I know your so-called bond was worthless and weak. I don’t feel all relations are the same. I don’t think our own brother would ever think of changing relations with us like you did.
Me – I never tried to change relations. I kept my feelings quiet as possible as I knew she’ll be hurt. I can understand your indignation and feeling of betrayal…
Sister – This is not anger. This is just what we feel is right to do. We just don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore. You have so many girls willing to call you brother, so it won’t matter if one of them leaves you. Enjoy life with the rest, just don’t betray them the way you betrayed my sister. Goodbye, take care, stay blessed.
Me – Your heart knows what’s right and wrong to do. And you should know no relationship can replace another. I’ll love Jerry forever and nobody can take her place in my life. I wish we’re back together someday.

I guess nothing significant was said after this. After that Jerry messaged me a week or two later via her sister.

Jerry – Look Ravi bro, I know you’re older than me and I respect you. That’s why I thought of messaging you. I hope you realize what you’re doing is wrong and it’s of no use deleting your Facebook and Twitter accounts. We are both parts of our show’s fandom and that’s our common interest. I interacted with you as I consider you my brother. Please don’t go around telling people that I loved you romantically. Whatever little I shared with you, I did as a sister. There are plenty of things I didn’t share with you, and I know you didn’t share with me either. That’s all there ever was between us and I never said anything for you to wrongly feel that I love you romantically. I don’t want to hear about this anymore. If you want, you can message me on Facebook sometimes but not regarding this matter.
Me – I’m so happy to hear from you. I hope you know I deleted my accounts not out of attention seeking, but because all of that means nothing to me without you. I never told anyone that you loved me romantically and that seems to be a misunderstanding. I have reasons for loving you myself and I hope you know that sharing secrets isn’t the criteria for loving someone.
Jerry – I can’t stand this. I know certain behaviours of yours like after our phone call, you said you hope I feel comfortable with you… and thus I understood what was going on in your mind.
Me – That I am a lustful beast and a pervert, right? I’m sorry, sis. I cannot hope to make you understand anything unless you put aside your pre-conceived notions. Please don’t message me until you do that. I may have committed the “sin” of loving you more than a sister, but my heart knows I did not do it with any wrong intentions. I know I’ve done many bad things but loving you isn’t one of them. I love you always and I hope everything gets well someday.

She didn’t message me after this, didn’t respond to mine either when I messaged saying sorry if she felt bad.