Dear Ravi:

The histrionics and drama are strong in you. Reading the first paragraph alone, of your last post, it is there again, first thing: ” I did more damage than anybody else. I know it… I know nobody but me is responsible. I don’t know how I can be considered a good or loving person after seeing how much damage I did to her.”

For crying our loud, Ravi- you didn’t damage her that much! You are exaggerating again, big time. Jerry had her sister to help her- she was not and is not alone. She kept active on social media- she didn’t withdraw. She had difficult time but you didn’t ruin her. And then, you keep with the histrionics and drama: now you are back to the idea that you are bad and a terrible person with no redeeming qualities, and from birth! This is all your all-or-nothing, overly dramatic histrionics. (I am quite amazed that I didn’t see this before. How could I have missed it, I wonder).

I agree with your analysis which I just read. Now regarding your goals. I agree with: “Comfort her and make up for all the pain I caused her. Show that I understand what she has undergone”

The rest, I don’t agree with because these are about YOU. It is about pushing on her your desired image of yourself, that YOU love her so very much, while in fact…

My goodness, Ravi… in fact, you didn’t. These things are not true: you were not concerned with her reputation or her feelings, only with yours. This is a mind boggling realization for me, right now, seeing it as clearly as I do now. Through this whole thing with Jerry, all this time, it was not about loving her. I can hardly believe it myself.

anita