Well, the trip to IL is out because of vehicle issues. One the things about smallish town life is that when their is a vehicle issue on the weekend, you are kind of SOL. My 2009 Camry developed a bad vibration and controllability issue, I.e wandering all over. Tire pressure was fine, started late, got about 45 miles out of town and limped back. Was too late to make schedule with other vehicle.

Either have an internal tire failure up front or suspension/alignment issues. City streets are looking like moonscapes.

Had looked at another destination, just to get out of town, and because would be using her vehicle, she is worried about the nasty storms/hail in Montana, so that appears to be dead. Probably wouldn’t matter anyway, as I was told to expect calls while I was gone. That prediction seems to be correct. Just got two calls on case types I don’t work with tonight while I am supposedly on vacation.

One of the detectives I work with just got back middle of this week from his honeymoon up in Banff. That relationship I understand. Another detective is getting married in the next month to a woman who cheated on him, don’t get that. Lots of relationships amongst people I work with.

I can’t seem to get one off the ground. They do tend to be more cheerful than I am. But good grief, some of the folks yeesh. Why, male or female, hitch your wagon to somebody who has difficulty spelling words containing two or more letters. I also don’t know where people are finding persons for potential relationships in this town.

Perhaps maybe social events that I don’t have time for, I don’t know. In the nearly eight years I have been here, never attended any of the young professionals meetings out here, then just out of curiosity, I poked my head in one this year only to discover that I am about 2 years too old:p. They were always at inconvenient times, etc. Then I learned that some of the professional couples I have seen more or less met there. Whether or not my being present would have made a difference, who knows.

I admit that I am at a loss. There is a part of me that really hurts. Watching the days go by in loneliness and asking what am I missing.

I know I am very pessimistic and have worked on killing it off, but seems to be to no avail. I keep working on convincing myself that I should focus on my reaction to things, but that doesn’t seem to work either. I have worked on increasing patience and that doesn’t really seem to have helped either.