Thank you Anita.

Well, this sentence never really trusting my feelings…i had them screaming sometimes, telling me I’m standing at a really insecure ground. But even consciously ignoring them.

I think what I fear the most is not having conection with people. Real and healthy ones, that in the end I didn’t have in my family, all of my relationships and some friendships. And what I know now is that setting a boundary of any kind, or saying no feels really uncomfortable. Like I’m expected to do what someone is asking of me because I love them. Like you need to prove it that way.

At the moment I cant afford therapy sessions, but a few years ago I went to a psychotherapist for a few months. We have scratched the surface and opened some of the hard parts (that revolved around my family)…she also told me that every feeling I have is valid. Which sounded so weird to me since I’ve always thought of myself as too sensitive. Or even dramatic sometimes.
And this helped a lot…and I tried to continue working on it myself. Reading a lot, meditating, tryng to understand myself better. Because I see it was easier to me to live a life just trying to fit in in other peoples picture of who I am, than figuring out what I want or need to begin with.