Dear Michelle:

You made a very good point at the end of your update above: “If I were advising someone else I know what I would say, when it is me dealing with this situation and having these feelings it is incredibly difficult to know what to do.”

This is why you need two plans: the sensible, logical plan and the emotional plan. The emotional plan is about how to carry on the logical plan while you will be feeling what you will be feeling.

My advice as to the Logical Plan:

Complete the separation from your husband. As he moves to another country do not follow him and do not live with him again. Proceed with a divorce.

End any and all relationship with the other guy (except strictly the working relationship) until and if he is no longer engaged or otherwise in a relationship with the other woman. Send him an email or text or so with your decision.

My logical reasons for the Logical Plan: there are more men in the world than these two, so you don’t have to choose between one wrong choice or the other wrong choice. The husband’s gambling is a very troubling problem. It is not logical to risk your financial life, especially if you have a child with him. He may say he no longer gambles but as a habit, he is likely to go back to it as habits are very difficult to break. Regarding the other man: he is otherwise involved, otherwise engaged with a woman with children. He is confused, let him sort out his life. You are doing yourself a disservice, as well as to him and those children if you continue to further add to his confusion. You are doing yourself a disservice to take this passive role where you are waiting for him to figure what woman he chooses. You choose, now.

The Emotional Plan:… after your thoughts and feelings about my input here.

anita