Dear KatyCat:

You have a PhD and a good career I understand, at 28. This is a great achievement.

You have an interesting family dynamic. Unfortunately you have an older sister who is sick. Your mother told your twin sister secretly (telling her it is a secret, that is to not tell you) that she, your mother, thinks your twin sister is doing better than you because she is getting married and you are not. Next, your twin sister told you the secret. I am guessing this creates discomfort for you: now you are not supposed to talk to your mother about what she said because it is supposed to be a secret…? And so there is a lack of open and honest communication on this very important matter: your value within the family.

It is very important for you to be valued in the context of the family. You found out that your mother values marriage more than your PhD and career, or so you figure, because of what she said to your twin sister. But you can’t ask her or talk to her about it because it was supposed to be a secret, as I understand it.

No wonder you hide in your room, the lines of communication are tainted.

If you’d like me to understand your situation better, please correct me if I was wrong in my understanding so far. As well as answer, if you will:

Are you living in a country where women live with parents until married? A country where women marry young (average age of marriage?) And back to your mother: do you feel that she doesn’t value your PhD and career?

You wrote that you are treated at home like a little girl: what do you mean by being treated like a little girl?

anita