Hi, Butterfly.

Looking back on my experience with the woman I wrote about, I am convinced that the complete lack of contact between us (although it took a few weeks after the official “end” of the relationship) was one of the things that helped me to better process everything that happened and allowed me to gain a more objective and less emotional perspective on our relationship. It was that increased objectivity and decreased emotion that allowed me to begin regaining my happiness and positivity. I encourage you to adamantly adhere to no contact with him. Yes, it will be very hard. Yes, you will still have all of your questions and desire for answers. Yes, you will still remember the good and great times you had together, and long to experience those things again. Yes, you will still have the desire for him to know how he hurt you. But do not give in. Doing so will only prolong your pain.

Also, ask yourself if there any realistic chance, in the very near future, of him miraculously and permanently changing his behavior so that it is positive and non-destructive to you, and so that it will allow your relationship to become healthy and flourish. If not, then stick with your decision for the relationship to be over, which means doing every positive thing you can to ensure that it stays over, including no contact.

I can understand how, if you were to send a letter (or whatever), that you would have a desire to know if he read it. I would feel the same way. I think it’s great that you are aware of that and that you factor it into your decision-making process.

If you are positive that you want to overcome this as soon, as effectively, and as positively as possible, I encourage you to look into finding a good therapist. I imagine that quality, professional therapy would also help you avoid entering into a relationship like that again.

I hope all the best for you.

CMI