Dear cjf2190:

To feel authentic, to not feel like you are playing a game, it takes looking into the core problem and re-integrating feelings you separated from (but these feelings are still there under the surface).

You wrote: ” I don’t remember feeling unloved, i just know as a family we weren’t close”- Love is closeness, by definition, so when you know there was no closeness in your family- it means there was no love (or very little of it, not enough).

You wrote: “It doesn’t upset me either…” – it being the lack of closeness. This is what I mean by separation from one’s feelings and the need to re-integrate those feelings. It must have upset you then and without your awareness, it still does- that is why you are craving it so much.

Post again, if you’d like.

anita