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Is it my past or my present that makes me want out?

HomeForumsRelationshipsIs it my past or my present that makes me want out?

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  • #113128
    Kate
    Participant

    Hi,

    I need to get this out! I was brought up in a home where my mum was unhappy with my dad for years and she always says she should have ended it sooner. I have a lovely husband and children but every time my husband does something human (ie we have a row and say things we don’t really mean in anger etc) I always ponder after whether we should really be together, whether I should leave now rather than later etc. I love him and our life together but these doubts are always there. I can’t tell whether it’s because of my upbringing or genuinely because maybe we don’t make each other as happy as we ought to anymore.
    He was my first real boyfriend so I don’t have much to compare it to! Along with this I used to worry so little and now I am anxious all the time and don’t feel like myself. I am constantly comparing myself to others and trying to be like others in order to feel better about myself. For the last few years (after my first born) I have been trying to create some sort of identity rather than simply feeling good being me in my life I practice yoga and this helps I just wonder if maybe my doubts about my relationship are coming from a dislike of myself and that therapy could help. Your thoughts would be most appreciated!

    #113135
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear blooms93:

    Good question: is it your past or your present that makes you want out of your marriage?

    Could be both, so, let’s examine the possibilities:

    There is no doubt in my mind that your past (like anyone’s significant past experiences) is affecting your present patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. On the other hand, your husband has his past too and I don’t know if and how dysfunctional the relationship with him. If you are willing, this will take more than one exchange between us. So examining here, first the possibility that it is both:

    You wrote: “every time my husband does something human (ie we have a row and say things we don’t really mean in anger etc) I always ponder..” – what kinds of things does he say in anger to you? And what kinds of things do you say in anger to him?

    anita

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